I dont know what to think

[Marv]

Here I am again with a big ass vent...

 

So, I'm at university, first year, second term in. I want to go out for the night and just have a good time. Is that so hard to ask for? I did have a good time, overall. I've recharged my social battery, but my god can there just me no drama, for once?! One friend decided to tell another she liked him, again. He got annoyed because she's so indecisive. Now they're together? I'm lost. Whilst out last night, I also let a heck load of stuff off my chest. So, this is the same guy I just mentioned (let's call him Oliver). He's had lots on his mind too. In the pub, I text him saying I wanna talk about some stuff, so we stood aside and eventually I spilled the tea on what's on my mind. I nearly freaked out then, and so we promptly left the pub for some fresh air. We sat down and I started talking more. I explained stuff, I said stuff I've not told ANYONE. Me and Oliver then went for a walk and, this is at like 3am after a few drinks (we weren't drunk though) we stood in a phone booth to keep dry from the rain and talked for ages. We both cried about stuff, we both shared stuff, it got deep. I just feel shook. I'm so so glad I told someone everything that'd been bothering me lately, but I'm shook. I can't stop thinking about it. It's crazy, how can you be so happy and proud and pleased and relieved that you've said things, but still be absolutely terrified and shook and unsure and stressed out? In addition, earlier on in that night, we were at the pub with other friends. Oliver gave me £5 and said to grab some shots. I grabbed three. His intention was for him to have two, and I'd have one. I don't think he specified that, and when I got back from the bar he was in the toilet. The shots had energy drink in them which I don't like drinking, so, I called over our other mates and said anyone want these? but like hang on a sec because Oliver is in the toilet. And they necked them?! then buggered off again. I was like um... Oliver got back and wasn't happy that they'd necked them. I explained that I offered the shots to the other guys and said you were in the toilet and that we should share them, he said he was cool with me not wanting mind, he wasn't cool with how they'd necked them and buggered off again. He was also unhappy that me and him keep paying for drinks and they never do, they just feed off other people.

I'm starting to heavily consider making a change and, not cutting them all off, but taking a break from them and going out with some other people just for a change? I had a good night last night, I'm just sick of the misunderstandings and indecisive romance. It's killing my brain....

 

If anyone has any advice, that'd be great. I needed to just vent somewhere. My brain feels like it's going to pop. I've also agreed with Oliver to go to the GP about the stuff that's been bothering me, but I'm absolutely terrified. He has faith that I can do it, but holy crap I'm terrified. What the hell do I do? I don't know if Oliver is holding the whole thing with the shots against me or not, I think we're cool, we've been messaging fine this morning. I'm just so lost at the moment with friends...

[Blondie]

@Marv I've lost count of the nights I've been out and it seems out of nowhere drama ensues... I tend to be the one that ends up trying to keep everyone happy while someone is in the toilet crying, someone else is getting back with an ex, someone else is arguing about something - it's exhausting! I think it's good to have a fun night out but other times to go out 1:1 or in smaller groups which don't get so chaotic. Maybe suggest to Oliver that you have a drink - just the 2 of you? Then you can chat without all the distractions.

Also, when we truly bare our souls to people it's both a relief and utterly terrifying! It's a very specific kind of vulnerable to open up to someone in this way and takes guts to do as it feels like a huge risk. Oliver sounds pretty cool though so def consider seeing him 1:1 so you can properly talk.

[Marv]

@Blondie That's a good plan. I think I'm gonna invite him out to the pub this coming week for a couple of games of pool, he enjoys that and I'm just getting into it. That night was soo exhausting. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm always the one jumping between people, too, trying to make sure everyone is at least moderately happy, it's insane.

Definitely going to try the 1:1 thing, it's so much easier and chill.

Oliver is cool, he's someone I need to keep around I think.

 

As for opening up to a GP/doctor, do you have any advice/tips?

[Blondie]

@Marv If you do decide to open up, I always find having a few points written down is a huge help just in case you go bank when you are in there. Some GP surgeries will let you book a double appointment (i.e. 20 mins rather than 10). At the start open up about why you came and then follow up with any points you have noted down so right from the start the doc knows why you are there. It's also useful to know what you would like to get from the appointment so they know what you need.

 

So to summarise (and these are just examples): 1) "I'm here because I want to talk to you about my Tourettes..." 2) Raise follow up points you want to get across / explain 3) "What I would really like is..."

 

Hopefully this helps!

[Marv]

@Blondie Ooo, noting down main points is a great idea!! I'm definitely going to do that. Having the points in front of me will also motivate me to actually open up and say them. And if all else fails, I can at least hand the points over to them to read while I talk.

 

Thanks for the advice. Also, that's a really good structure for setting out the time (does that sentence make any sense?! haha), introducing myself, why I'm there, what I'd like out of this, and what's up etc.

 

I'm also going to try and grab a double appointment so the time pressure isn't so much.

 

Thank you for your advice!! <3

[Blondie]

@Marv