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Drama with friend it's my fault.

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    Ok a little backstory, I have been bffs with this girl for 3 years. And I we met in school, we are in homeschool and text each other all the time. However, my other bff, let's call her Mckennie for privacy reasons. She pressured me to do this horrible prank. She made blackmailed me into telling my bff I had cancer. I got in trouble and my friend cried the whole day, it was my fault. I already knew I had really bad depression because of my parents. To do this sucked.. We didnt talk for weeks, then we made up. However things have been stiff with us and because we rely on each other a lot i feel like the only reason we stay together is becuase we need each other. If that makes sense. I decided we needed a break this week. To make things worse, she is my crush. And I'm a girl so... I told her and I tried to be honest and direct about it. She got mad and blew saying she has been through a lot with me and now I'm pushing her away, then she said it's not going to fix anything and the next time we text, we will be on edge. I hate it. Please help me I dont know what to do.

    - randomperson
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    Hey Oneperson!
    This sounds... well, complicated to say the least. But most things worth it are. I also have a crush on my girl BFF (I'm also a girl) and I am not out to her. It sounds like you tried to tell her, who you were and she maybe got scared? If so, then there are two reasons, I could think of, for her to do this: she either feels the same way (and is shocked by you saying that), or she doesn´t and is just surprised and maybe mad at herself because she is your BFF and wants, what´s best for you, and she feels like she is not the person to make you happy. I know, how devastating that feeling might be.
    My advice to you is, let it sit for a week or so. Let her think about it and make her decision and when all of this is over, maybe you could meet in a neutral environment and talk? Like in a park, a little diner, etc. Somewhere you feel comfortable. I´d also suggest making a mental list of things you want to say to her and rehearsing your words before talking to her. It helps you be better prepared mentally and the outcome might depend on it.
    But I´m also kinda worried, who is the other BFF? The one, that blackmailed you? Are you still friends with her? What did she use to blackmail you? (answer only, if you´re comfortable to!)
    Last edited by Mammu; 29-04-2020, 07:47 AM.

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    • Monsoon
      Monsoon commented
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      Great advice thanks!
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    • Monsoon
      Monsoon commented
      Editing a comment
      Great advice thanks!
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    Hey ONEPERSON,

    Thanks for reaching out to us. I'm sorry to hear that you were blackmailed by your other friend into doing this. Have you talked to them about this? It's not okay for anyone to blackmail you.

    With your bff, I think that you were right to ask for a break. It sounds like things were getting quite heated for and that you both need some time to cool down. Just know that this will pass and it will get better . Mammu gave you some really good advice (thanks, Mammu!) which I would have said myself. Having that space for both of you to have a think and then meet up to talk will work well. Also, having a plan of what you want to say will help too.

    Can I also ask, how are you doing with your mental health at the moment? Are you getting help for it? I noticed what you said about your depression and parents. You only need to talk about this if you want to, no pressure. I just want to make sure that you're safe and well after talking about your bad depression.

    Hope to hear back from you soon

    - Monsoon

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        Dear Mammu, yes I am
        considered "friends " with this girl because we have been friends since childhood and have been neighbors forever until she moved away. She impacted me greatly. I cried over her until I realized it was pathetic because she had treated me horribly as a young child, she was the master at blackmailing and knew how to do it. In this situation she had grabbed my phone and told me I had to tell one close friend that I had cancer as a funny prank. I told her no, but she told me if I didnt, she would send it to family members. I was in shock as she sent the message to my bff.



        Dear Monsoon, I have not gotten therapy for my depression. I am still young and I dont want to talk to my parents about it. Only because they are hard to talk to. Both of them are asian and they are strict, I got slapped for not knowing what was going on when my mom was trying to make masks and make me try one on. I was used to being hit at, flicked at, and once I had a cereal box thrown at me. But my mom always said it was because I wasnt listening. She always escalated the situation. That's why when my mom started her work as a travel nurse in california, (I live across the country ) I was do relieved, but I was left with my dad. I loved my dad, however, he doesnt listen and basically we are twins. To make it harder when my mom visits every once in a while, all of a sudden my dad is someone else. He suddenly becomes a sucker to her. And he always is on her side no matter what the situation. Even if shes wrong. And when he came home grumpy, he took it out on me, on a movie night. He didnt abuse me physically. He only abused me with words,saying stuff like

        " pick a movie already it's not that hard!"

        And when I lost my phone I asked him once to call it and he said

        " sounds like a personal problem. "
        I hate when he does that!

        I dont get any therapy because my parents are hard to talk to.

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            Hey ONEPERSON,

            This sounds so tricky and hard to deal with. I'm sorry that this has been your reality - it must really take its toll on you. Can I ask how old you are? If you're old enough, I wonder if maybe there is somewhere else you can stay? It definitely sounds like your parents are being physically and emotionally abusive towards you. You might find this article helpful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/parent...ally-bully-me/

            You do not deserve to be treated like this, no one does. You deserve to be treated with respect and I just want to check, is it safe where you live? Your safety is our number one priority and if you are in a position to do so, it is important that you try to move out if you feel at risk.

            Also, you might not have to speak to your parents to get therapy. Have you spoken to a doctor/people at school (if you're still in school) about this? You might be able to access mental health services without your parents knowing.

            I hope this helps. Do respond soon so we know you are safe.

            -Monsoon

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