Not feeling great in a friendship

[m124]

The past couple of days I have felt drained after hanging on with my friends if Im going to be honest. Lately ive been feeling that I need to distance myself from them because they have just been talking really negative especially recently. Its not just recently but it has happened many time before where one friend will say something about me and the other friend will 'piggy back' on it and say something like 'yeah!' and just agree with her against me if that makes sense. I guess sometimes it feels like everything is a joke since sometimes I dont stand up for myself or we just joke around alot. But lately I feel like ive had enough. one of my friends always talks bad about people and hates people for no reason and feel if they were my true friends they would know that Im sensitive and I do take alot of things personal. sometimes they talk about me standing up for myself but when I say something back to them or get defensive about something they both just shut me down or tell me to relax or 'its not that serious'. its just super frustrating because I have been thinking about not-being friends with them anymore and slowly distance myself from them but they are my 2 closest friends and I only hang out with them. ive tried somewhat to being things up that I dont like or mention something that I dont like that they do and theres never a real apology or it turns into an 'aw' like it some kind of joke but I truly feel that way and its not a joke to me. I dont know if the things they do is reasonable enough to not be friends with them anymore. but another friend asked even if I was still friends with them and even my mom said it a long time ago that theyre not like me and they talk negative. it just seems so fake when they see m family and they say shit I dont like when were all together sometimes. Please Help!

[Monsoon]

Hey there. Thanks for sharing your story. We are here to help you with this. You are not alone .

 

I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through this with your friends recently. I can see that it really gets to you and that you don't feel like they take what you're saying seriously. I do think it's reasonable to question the friendships over this. If it's important you and you want it to change, then that's all that matters.

 

It's a shame that you've tried speaking to them before and that they didn't take it on board. It can be so frustrating when we build up the courage to do this kind of thing and we don't get the result we wanted. I think that it would be helpful for you to speak to your friends again, but one-to-one. I say one-to-one because when you do this with a group of people, they can often just laugh it off, sometimes as a way of showing off, but doing it one at a time often takes that away. I think that you just need to be really clear and firm about how it's making you feel and that you need it to change for the sake of the friendship. Also, it usually works better to do this on a phone call as people can get quite heated over messages.

 

What do you think of this? Do you want to try it again?

 

I hope you're okay and I look forward to talking with you more. Keep you chin up - this will get better

 

-Monsoon

 

[m124]

I would like to but Im so scared of it being awkward in the group after. What if they still dont take it seriously or say they'll change and they dont?

[Monsoon]

Hey. Thanks for replying

 

Yeah, it could be that it is awkward after, but that's just one of those things. If it helps, then that's all that matters. I understand why you think they might not take it seriously and not change, but I guess you won't know unless you do it. I really do hope that they change for you as it would be a shame to lose them as friends. I reckon that because this won't be the first time that you've said something to them, they might take it more seriously. What do you think?

 

Monsoon