sweetie Posted August 2, 2020 Share Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) I previously talked about how my closest friends 'added' someone else to our group chat. I explained to them that i was a bit bothered about it and they understood my decision(i think). So recently this girl, I'll call her 'hippo', so 'hippo' got ******* about something i did and reacted very irrational about it. i replied calmly because I knew she just wanted trouble for no reason. So before i responded, like after she said what she said my friends defended me like trying to tell her to calm down and that was fine but i was really bothered because nobody spoke up to tell her that she was completely overreacting and we all knew it. Because i was just thinking if she really cared about what i did why couldnt she talk to me privately? Anyways, after I replied about what she said and my friends changed the topic but when she came back online she replied to what i said something that was supposed to seem playful but i found it rude still because of the situation we were in. and i replied with a 'lol' because that's the type of person i am. When someone offends me I just say lol to make sure they release that what they said didn't affect me. But then 2/5 of my friends started saying things like why would you say that like wisen up. and that ********* me off because it didn't make any sense whatsoever. How can someone be shouting at me then i calmly reply then the person replies t me with a 'shut up'?? and I'm supposed to take it and be quiet or like laugh along. I've been meaning to talk to them about it but I wanted to prepare myself so that i won't overreact and say things I'll regret.(by prepare I mean pray, I'm a christian) because I had anger issues as a child but I was able to calm down a bit. But also why I've been hesitating to confront them is because i have this feeling that they are afraid of hippo and what she might say to them. She always said a few negative things about people and I've recently become a better person and can't stand seeing my friends follow her and laugh about things like that. i know this is long but I just needed help. i know I'm praying and everything but I also need a different view of things. Edited August 4, 2020 by Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Hey Sweetie, Thanks for coming to us again. I'm glad to hear that your friends defended you by telling her to calm down. I think that in future, if she tries to call you out infront of the group again, message her privately rather than playing it out in the group chat. Things always get out of hand infront of other people, and if two people have a problem, it's best to just sort it out privately. I think it would be helpful for you to speak to the new person about how she has hurt your feelings. I don't think that your friends are necessarily changing, but I understand why you think that. Group dynamics can be tricky, especially when you've had the group for a while and then someone new comes along. If you're worried about potentially overreacting when speaking to them, when replying to their messages, take a few minutes to respond after reading them. This way, you'll have time to calm down and respond in the way that you want to. Let me know what you think MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie Posted August 4, 2020 Author Share Posted August 4, 2020 Um... maybe I didn't say it well before, but I said that they didn't tell her to calm down instead they tried to change the topic again. I know saying they are changing was a bit over the top but I was feeling a bit scared that we were drifting apart. Usually, in school, we are often so close. ​​​​​​​Oh and I made a mistake before, I said 2/5 but it's 2/4 the last one isn't on that group chat because she doesn't own that platform. Anyways if it's not a big deal I can move on because currently, I don't have access to that platform right now so I don't know what's going on. And I overthink a lot of situations. I was overreacting as I was typing my issue before as I said I'm an overthinker. I would never shout or say anything irrational. never happened before and it won't start now. My anger issues were a problem of the past I just don't understand why I brought it up. Also Thank you for responding. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Hey Sweetie, It's Remi here one of the support mentors. I think it's really good that you can be reflective over your reactions to situations I don't think you are over-reacting, as you felt a certain way about it and your feelings and your thoughts are valid. Did it help to write it out, if it did then this was a great reaction and it enabled you to process the situation You could also try journalling and see if that helps, often just seeing your problems written down on paper, gets them out of your brain and gives you more space to organise them and process in a healthy way. Maybe some time away from the group chat is a good idea Remi MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie Posted August 5, 2020 Author Share Posted August 5, 2020 You're actually right, writing stuff those help me get a better view of things because I'm a bit calm about the situation right now but I don't think I would react the same as I did before. So what I mean is that explaining how I felt and going back to it I feel better knowing that I already expressed myself before. Also, I will actually take some time away from that group chat, it would probably help to clear my worries a little bit. Thank you so much. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 Hey Sweetie, That's really great that you feel calmer and that you wouldn't react in the same way. We can't really control our emotions, but what we can control is our actions and it's great that you recongised this today! If a break from the group chat feels good, then keep doing it! You'll probably have a new found appreciation for the connection when you back to it after a bit of a break! Remi MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Hey @sweetie How's everything going at the moment? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie Posted August 25, 2020 Author Share Posted August 25, 2020 I did actaully take a break from the group chat for a while and it really helped. When I went back I just decided to forget about what happened. It was easy to forget but some of the things they did triggered me to start thinking about what happened but that's how group chats are so I let it go. Thank you! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Posted August 25, 2020 Share Posted August 25, 2020 Hey @sweetie That's really great that your time away from the GC gave you the distance and the space to let go of what happened in the past and move passed it. Sometimes you have to think through things to the other side of them! Well done, that shows growth! Remi MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 Hey @sweetie, How are things going? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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