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Can someone tell me what I'm experiencing?


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So I've been confused about my gender lately. I've always identified as female. But when i imagine myself i see myself as a neutral human being. Sometimes saying "woman" feels too bold for me.but i never really experienced dysphoria. I've always been obsessed with this idea of nothingness though , of being neutral.So i guess it's normal to think of my gender. I dress neutral.i don't want to be masculine or too feminine. I am comfortable being a girl and I don't mind it. But this idea and secret desire to be neutral is haunting me. Also wierd thing but i recently lost a lot of weight and i like the fact that my chest got smaller. It's flat but it's not. It's neutral.

I don't know what i am or what i could be. I think am just a stupid teenager. Can someone tell me or give any advice?

 

 

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Hi Random,

 

Thanks for reaching out to us. We are here to support you through this :)

 

It sounds like you're possibly feeling a bit conflicted about your gender identity at the moment, is that fair to say? There are a lot of people in the same situation as you, so you are not alone.

 

It is perfectly normal to question your gender. Although this can be a frustrating process, it really does just take time to come to a deeper understanding of yourself. I guess at this point, the only thing we can advise you to do is to trust this process and follow your instincts. Everything will get better, but it will take time.

 

It might even be that you choose not to put a label on it for the time being. As I said, you will understand more as time goes on, so maybe you can try your best to make peace with the uncertainty for now?

 

I hope this helps :)

 

-Monsoon

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i've been thinking of talking about this to a therapist . Not a gender therapist because i dont think they exist in my country.Do you think it's a good idea? also is it okay to adopt a label at this early stage or is it better to just leave it as is? i think even if i adopt a label just to make myself feel better because i tend to obsess over things , i will keep it to myself untill i'm certain.

 

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Hey Random. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I would definitely recommend talking to a therapist as they will be able to help guide you through this tricky time. Have you tried looking for a gender therapist in your country?

 

Regarding a label, it is completely up to you. You know what will help you at this moment in time. Even if the label changes over time, that is fine and as long as you feel it helps, then that's all that matters :)

 

- Monsoon

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You have no idea how happy your response made me. I told my therapist about it. She didn't say anything but I'm gonna go see her for a session soon. I'm contemplating telling a friend but I'm not sure. Is it a good idea? How do i tell them? Also how do you tell people to use they/them pronouns? I wanna try them out because i thought about it and it made me happy.

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Hey!

 

I'm glad that my response made you feel positive. How did it feel telling your therapist about it? It's completely up to you whether you tell your friend or not. If you feel ready and think it would help, then it sounds like it could be a good idea. With telling other people, the most important thing is to just be open and honest. Here is a guide you may find useful, especially for tips on talking to others about this:

 

https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk/media/1054/coming-out-guide-for-t-people.pdf

 

I hope you find this useful :)

 

Speak soon,

 

- Monsoon

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Thank you for the guide. It's great. When i told my therapist about it i felt relief. I will tell you how the session with her goes. Anyways, i have this burning question. Does one need to have dysphoria to be non binary? (give your opinion if you'd like)

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Hey :)

 

I hope the session goes well. I am looking forward to hearing back about it. It's so great that your journey is well under way.

 

I guess that in terms of what gender dysphoria means, the term does describe the typical feelings associated with feeling like you identify with a gender different to your sex at birth. I don't believe having the term gender dysphoria as a label really matters. If you identify with a different gender, then that is the only thing that matters :)

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Just came back from therapy. She told me it was okay to ask myself these questions for teenagehood is the perfect time to figure out who we are. She said we need more sessions to progress. She also asked me to draw a picture that shows how i perceive myself or how i want to be seen. I think that's a great exercise. Everyone should give it a try it might reveal some interesting things about ourselves.

 

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Just came back from therapy. She told me it was okay to ask myself these questions for teenagehood is the perfect time to figure out who we are. She said we need more sessions to progress. She also asked me to draw a picture that shows how i perceive myself or how i want to be seen. I think that's a great exercise. Everyone should give it a try it might reveal some interesting things about ourselves.

That's great. I'm so pleased you're seeking help from your therapist for this. Keep up updated. We are always here to support :)

 

- Monsoon

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So I'm thinking of changing my appearance. Nothing drastic, i thought that a part of figuring out my gender identity is to express myself in a way that matches the way i feel or to least try to. What are some things i should know/do before i do so? Should i just go for it?

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Hey there. It's nice to hear from you again!

 

I think you should just go for it and do what feels right. Follow your intuition and see what works for you is the best advice I can give here! How are you finding all of this? Remember that we are always here to support :)

 

Speak soon!

 

- Monsoon

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I find all of this exiting, interesting as I'm exploring a part of me that i never thought i would explore. But it's also confusing and i have moments of hesitation.

I have a question :can you not be cis but a identify as cis for the sake of convenience? Also can one be a certain gender and non binary at the same time? Cause some people sat yes but i don't get it

Thank you for all the support by the way

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Hey Random,

 

Great to hear from you again. I think that there's no right or wrong way to identify in terms of your gender. I think that you should do whatever feels right for you and will make you happy. Your identity will become clearer over time, it just might take a while to get there.

 

What do you think about this?

 

Speak soon. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey @Monsoon I totally i agree with what you said. But, there are so many identities and there are so many people who disagree with them. So i feel confused, it's like i don't know who to believe though i respect people and their identities. I also feel like my feelings are invalid.

Also, i think my sister is transphobic. She said something about nonbinary people being bullshit. It really hurt my feelings.

What do i do about all of this?

 

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Hey Random,

 

Your feelings are completely valid. Just because people disagree with other identities doesn't make them any less real. It's all about how you feel and what you think your identity is. That's the only thing that matters here. What anyone else thinks can be put to the side as it's not important.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're upset by what your sister said. I find that people often say those kinds of things because they don't understand the subject. I know it's hard to not take this personally, but if she knew more, she might not say those kinds of things. Do you think she meant it?

 

Also, I think it might be good to ask your therapist about what she thinks. It sounds like you've already started that kind of journey with them. What do you think? I know this all must be really confusing to you right now, but trust me, it will get better. It just takes time sadly :(

 

Hang in there. You're doing really well :)

 

- Monsoon

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