Call me V Posted April 9, 2020 Share Posted April 9, 2020 I’m gonna be straightforward. Let’s start at the beginning. Ever since a young age, I wasn’t afraid of my femininity. Sure, I felt inferior a lot of times, especially growing up and comparing myself to other girls, but I don’t consciously remember having a problem until around age 15. I had always been an extremely “girly� girl. Maybe I did a few things a tomboy might do, but I wasn’t showing stereotypical signs of being a trans male or being a lesbian. At age 14, I came out as a lesbian. I was so certain that I only liked girls. It was around this time too that I started recalling old memories of being sexually abused as a child. Eventually, I fit myself comfortably in the shoes of a teenage boy, and started convincing myself that I had never really wanted to be a girl or do “girlish� things. Now, I am out to my family as gay, using male pronouns, and going by a different name than I was originally given. For the past year, I’ve convinced myself that I want to start hormone therapy, and eventually go through top surgery as well. Some days, I’ve learned to become ok with my biologically female genitalia - only because I am comfortable around my partner, and quite honestly, I like the way things feel down there. Other days, I’m utterly disgusted by looking at or touching myself, as well as knowing that I don’t have a penis. Sometimes I catch myself scrolling through a girl’s Instagram or watching something on Netflix, and I feel compelled to throw out my baggy men’s jeans and instead accentuate and flaunt my feminine body that I try to hide so often. So here goes: am I a man, or am I meant to be a laid back, boyish woman? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted April 9, 2020 Share Posted April 9, 2020 Hey V. Thanks for coming to us for support. We are here for you at Community. I have sent you a private email to the address you signed up with to support you further. This is in light of you disclosing abuse as a child and us wanting to ensure your safety. Please check your junk email and respond as quickly as possible. Stay safe and speak soon, -Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.