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Am I being bullied? (Friend)

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    Oh jeez. Where do I start? They make snarky remarks and/or comebacks that kinda hurt sometimes, I don't feel I can talk to them about anything because in the past I opened up about how I couldn't eat around them and they called me stupid for valuing their opinion so highly, I feel like I put in more effort than them, I feel expendable or only there for entertainment (basically just a time killer for them until something good comes along), I feel like they're bored of me and I feel they don't actually open up to me making it so when I open up I feel like I'm using them. But this isn't all there fault. I swear to god he has depression. The numb kind. Plus I know I'm not giving it my all and not quite ... yikes. I know I'm annoying and whatnot but yeah. I kinda just feel like a hassle to him. Like, last weekend I (sorta) planned a weekend out for us (the friend group). People fell through and no actual activities were planned out but still. Anywho, I'd told him the day earlier to bring his phone to call our ride him because mine doesn't work. He said aight and I remember bringing it up at least another 2 times to b certain. The day came and he went on how I didn't tell him and "What if I hadn't brought my phone, Sam? What then?". He said how I hadn't changed from the last time (I forgot to tell my dad to pick me up from a night out with them). Saying I hadn't changed. Sure I messed up. Small details fell through but THIS wasn't my fault. I know I ***** up. But I just feel like ********. And I know he's told his mum (who doesn't think highly of me) about this incident too. She already thinks I'm incompetent. But when he isn't ragging at me or making snide remarks that sting when I think about them too much, he makes me smile. Sure I kinda fell hard for him and whatever but yeah. Everyone around me thinks he's not treating me right. We'd have fights or I'd be worried about a fire next door and he'd reply with "Guess we'll die". But I thinks It's mainly my fault. I'm too anxious or too annoying or whatever. I don't talk to him so he can't prove himself. I'm not telling him these jokes hurt me and he keeps making them. I'm not supportive enough so he doesn't want to talk to me. I'm not enough so he hangs with less awkward, more confident, funnier, bubblier people. I third wheel myself. This is my fault. I'm oversensitive. I'm dramatic. He can be a good guy. Right? I'm so ******** conflicted I want to ****bfebfehjfebewhb. Sorry. Have a good day.
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    Hey there. Welcome to our support community; we are here to help you through this.

    It sounds like you've been really struggling with this and I'm sorry to hear that. I can see from your post that you're being really hard on yourself. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and they deserve to be respected. You are not the problem here - please believe that. You have worth and the way you are being treated is not because there's a problem with you.

    I think that you really need to speak with this guy about how you're feeling at the moment. I know you've said that it hasn't gone well in the past, but he might not realise he's doing this, and things could change for the better afterwards. They key to speaking about this kind of thing is to always remain calm, respect their feelings, but explain how things need to change in order for the friendship to stay healthy. It might be worth telling him that you do value the friendship (if that's the case) and want to make it work just so he knows that you care and want to fix it. What do you think? If you can, have this conversation in a neutral space e.g. a park. If you do it in their home or yours, this can make people more defensive. Here's a support guide with more tips on how to speak to people about this kind of thing: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-...ct-resolution/

    Also, I think that you could do with a boost to your self-esteem. You seem to be really down on yourself at the moment which is completely understandable when you're being treated like this. However, I'd like you to have a think about three or four things you like about yourself. This can be anything from your personality, looks, or talents... The next time you have negative thoughts about yourself, you could try thinking about these positive things. If you keep doing this over time, you can shift the way you think about yourself from negative to positive. Here are some support guides which you might find helpful:
    https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overcoming-low-self-esteem/
    https://www.ditchthelabel.org/5-ways-boost-self-esteem/

    Let me know what you think of this. If you don't find it helpful, we can figure out something else. Speak soon


    -Monsoon

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