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How to be more assertive?

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    Hello there!
    I’ve come to realise that I’m too passive in all my conversations, and in my general being. I don’t know how to talk to someone assertively. Which is why I often bite off more than I can chew. I don’t know why I do this. I have a problem saying no, and I know that I’m being too nice. I want to learn to be more assertive. I don’t want to be aggressive, or passive, I want to be nice and still stand my ground.
    I think I have to admit that I lack self confidence and usually have low self esteem, but I’m working on it. Slowly but surely. I don’t know why I always thought that I’m never good enough and ended up pushing myself too hard since childhood.
    Does anyone have advice or tips to be more assertive? Is there anything I can do to have a healthy self esteem? How can I make these positive changes in my life?
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    Hello Anahita

    Thanks for bringing this thoughtful question here, I think a lot of our community members would benefit from.

    So I think it's important to look at who you are having these conversations with and make sure that they aren't a part of the reason why you don't feel assertive, because our friends shouldn't make us feel unheard ,so that could be something to explore. In regards to 'saying no' and feeling too nice, it's about setting strong and clear boundaries. You are allowed to disagree with someone or to say no and not fear the consequences. Setting clear boundaries is so important in every single relationship and it actually strengthens them.

    Admitting that you lack self confidence is a good starting point.

    Write down 5 of your best qualities, or 5 things you like about yourself. Try to keep them in your mind when you are speaking.
    Remember that if people don't like what you have to say when you are being authentic and honest, then those people are not meant for you.
    Practice saying no.
    There's nothing wrong with being nice, you can be nice and assertive at the same time.
    Try not to let other peoples opinions of you make your own self worth. It's your self and so let it come from within.
    Do not aspire to be liked by everyone, instead inspire to be respected.

    Go easy on yourself, because you are good enough.

    Remi

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        Remi Thank you Remi! Maybe it’s time I looked into how I talk to other people and set some healthy boundaries.

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            Hey Anahita

            Setting strong and clear boundaries is the foundation to any relationship. Try practising in what you know is a safe space for you, so either with a best friend or a parent and see how you go?

            Self work can be tiring sometimes, so make sure you are practising lots of self care and looking out for yourself.

            Let me know how you get on.

            Remi

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