Everything is just too much

[Mammu]

Lately, I´ve been feeling like it was all just too much. Everything negative is just outweighing the positive and I just can´t seem to find any reasons to get out of my bed in the morning. It is all just too much. My mom, yelling at me whenever she wants to; my friends, who are just so negative and are affecting me too; chess and the competition, where I have to go and I don´t want to; graduating the music school and the stress, that comes along with it; the fact, that it´s gonna be one of the winter breaks (in Estonia, we have 5 breaks in every school year) and I won´t be able to rest at all, because of all of my responsibilities; my teachers, who ruin subjects for me: the fact that I have to hide, that I´m lesbian, even from my closest friends and my family; and my overly emotional INFJ personality (whoever here has an INFJ type of personality can relate). Right now the only thing, that gets me to school and everywhere else is my too big of a feeling of responsibility. If I didn´t have that, I´d stay at home and not get up from my bed. If I don't go, I feel guilty.

I feel like my life is literally falling apart.

[Blondie]

@Mammu This all sounds really overwhelming and it's good that you recognise that something needs to change. Do you have anyone that you can share this with who can help you make a manageable and vitally, realistic plan to get through this period. It could be student support at school for example? They may be able to help in potentially dropping some of the responsibilities which are spreading you too thin. It should also be useful if you could have a chat with your mum and share how overwhelmed you are feeling.

Sometimes when people feel this way, it can be worthwhile speaking to your doctor, even if only to rule out anything like depression.

Having to hide who you are will be adding to this pressure and you absolutely deserve help and support to get through this.