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Mental Health

I feel like a bad person. All the time.

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    Whenever I get low, i feel guilty for even expressing it to people, because I feel like they think I'm ungrateful for my life, I'm not, I have a good life, I just dont have a good brain, I dont have good emotions, they never work properly, I am almost always anxious, on the verge of tears, thinking I'm not good enough, feeling worthless, I have people that love me, and that i love, but I always doubt it, always think they hate me secretly, but I wont leave because theres that little part of me that knows it will ruin them, and I love them too much for that, but I'm in pain and I am tired, of fighting my own brain everyday just to get out of bed. They always say "distract yourself" "keep busy" but I cant, i just cant do that! I'm not lazy I just cant do it. Sometimes I have the strength to get up and other times I dont, sometimes I dont see the point because the negative voice will always be there telling me I'm not good enough so what's the point in trying to silence something that is on repeat, like a jammed record of negativity, playing over and over again. My GP website doesnt work, because I'm under 18. There is no help I can get from them right now, if I try to do it for myself but as if my parent is doing it, it just takes me to a page on how to stop anxiety attacks but they just keep coming. I've been on the phone to my boyfriend and had an attack and it was so embarrassing. I felt like such a burden because he just doesnt know how to stop it or how to help me.
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    Hey Jaz. Thanks for coming to us for support. It's nice to hear from you again. I'm really sorry to see that you're not having a great time at the moment. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to feel like this regularly. Can I ask, are you in a mental health crisis? From what you said about not leaving the people that love you because it will ruin them, it makes me think you've thought about taking your own life. I just want to make sure that you're safe right now and you do not plan to do that? Do let me know as soon as possible so we know you're alright.

    You will get through this Jaz. As we've spoken about before, there are ups and downs on this kind of journey and this is normal. I know you're feeling like a burden and many other people in your kind of situation must feel the same, especially if the other person is doing alright mentally. However, you're really not a burden and your mental health doesn't mean that you're an inconvenience for people. You have huge amounts of worth to many people and your mental health doesn't chip away at that. From what we've spoken about before, I know that you do a lot to improve your mental health. I'm wondering if there's anything else you think you can do right now?

    I hope to hear back from you soon. Hang in there, Jaz.

    -Monsoon

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    • Jazt6
      Jazt6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi Monsoon
      I am safe ! I have spoken to my mum and contacted a GP on urgent and I have an over the phone appointment tomorrow so hopefully I can get some answers and the help I need, everyone around me has been a lot more supportive than I could have hoped which is comforting! I was so scared at first to say anything, but I had been suffering for 2 years and enough is enough and it was just getting worse, I was so ashamed but now I am not I need help and GPs deal with these types of issues all the time and all they want to do is help! I've spoken to some people and they have given me tips to prepare for my appointment!
      Thank you for all of your help! You guys are truly amazing.
      -Jaz
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    • Jazt6
      Jazt6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi Monsoon
      I am safe ! I have spoken to my mum and contacted a GP on urgent and I have an over the phone appointment tomorrow so hopefully I can get some answers and the help I need, everyone around me has been a lot more supportive than I could have hoped which is comforting! I was so scared at first to say anything, but I had been suffering for 2 years and enough is enough and it was just getting worse, I was so ashamed but now I am not I need help and GPs deal with these types of issues all the time and all they want to do is help! I've spoken to some people and they have given me tips to prepare for my appointment!
      Thank you for all of your help! You guys are truly amazing.
      -Jaz
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    Hey there Jazt6!
    I was in a very similar situation about 2-3 months ago. I had the same type of thoughts and struggles. The only advice I can give, is the same one, that helped me. Firstly, I don´t know, if you´ve had any suicidal thoughts, but if you ever have them then just remember, "it is NOT a good idea and NOTHING good an come out of it!" That kept me going and as I´m stubborn I just told to myself "Well, I ain´t taking the easy way out" and reminded myself a quote from a movie "If it´s about survival, isn´t a little agony worth it?" Secondly, the thing, that got me away from the "bad place" I was in, was YouTube, Netflix, and my pets/friends/family. I just tried to focus on the positive (cliche and extremely hard, I know) but it really does help.
    And thirdly, I know, that distracting yourself is hard, but the best distraction might be to face your problems head-on. It might like writing about your problems either in here, on a piece of paper or "in your mind" (like making mental notes or something like that). And who knows, maybe by writing about your problems, you might even start to write and great your own stories (another way of distracting yourself).

    Good luck and hope this helps!

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    • Jazt6
      Jazt6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi Mammu thank you so much! I have had those kinds of thoughts before but I always knew that it wasnt my life that I wanted to end, it was just the temporary pain that came with it, but I am getting help for that now my first appointment is tomorrow so hopefully some answers and help are on the way for me and I can live my life! Hope all is well with you!

    • Remi
      Remi commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey Mammu, thanks thats some great advice, I think writing down your problems is a great idea, that really helps me when I need to process things. Are you still writing poetry?

      Let us know how your appointment goes Jazt6
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    • Jazt6
      Jazt6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi Mammu thank you so much! I have had those kinds of thoughts before but I always knew that it wasnt my life that I wanted to end, it was just the temporary pain that came with it, but I am getting help for that now my first appointment is tomorrow so hopefully some answers and help are on the way for me and I can live my life! Hope all is well with you!

    • Remi
      Remi commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey Mammu, thanks thats some great advice, I think writing down your problems is a great idea, that really helps me when I need to process things. Are you still writing poetry?

      Let us know how your appointment goes Jazt6
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    Hey Jaz.

    Thank you for being so kind about us. We really value your feedback and it's wonderful to know that it's helped you . I'm really pleased to hear that you're no longer ashamed of what you've been going through. Also, you're absolutely right that GPs support people with this all the time. They will be able to help you more.

    Keep in touch and let us know how it goes today. We are always here to support you.
    - Monsoon

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    • Jazt6
      Jazt6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello Monsoon
      My appointment is over! I am starting counselling for anxiety and depression! The build up to the appointment I was terribly anxious and freaked out, and during I was anxious too but I managed to speak which was good, my GP will check on me every couple weeks to explore new management plans etc! Afterwards I was a little numb, not sure if i was just confused on how to feel about it, I've never done this before so that could have been it! Over all not a terrible experience, I am lucky that I have access to this help and a great support system around me although mum thinks its temporary anxiety even though its been 2 years but what can you do!
      -Jaz
  • Comment


    • Jazt6
      Jazt6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello Monsoon
      My appointment is over! I am starting counselling for anxiety and depression! The build up to the appointment I was terribly anxious and freaked out, and during I was anxious too but I managed to speak which was good, my GP will check on me every couple weeks to explore new management plans etc! Afterwards I was a little numb, not sure if i was just confused on how to feel about it, I've never done this before so that could have been it! Over all not a terrible experience, I am lucky that I have access to this help and a great support system around me although mum thinks its temporary anxiety even though its been 2 years but what can you do!
      -Jaz
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    Hey Jaz.

    I'm really glad to hear that you're going to start counselling. I can definitely see how the build up to the appointment would have made you anxious, but the result sounds so great. You're doing all the right things to get back on track with your mental health. Keep in touch with us. Remember, we are always here to support you.

    - Monsoon

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