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Mental Health

Nothing makes me happy anymore, I realized this when I ghosted

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    I'm unsure what really makes me happy anymore. I used to find some joy in video games and somewhat hanging with friends but I just don't really feel it. I feel like I'm somewhat of a sex addict also because that's the one thing I feel like I enjoy but after it's over which is 20-30 mins then what? Going back to feeling empty?

    When I drank a couple days ago one of my really good friends who's a girl invited her friend over who she said was very nice and cute. Anyways we had a few drinks and she was kind've coming on strong complimenting me and well I did the same. Friend 1 (My main friend) and friend 2 (girl that I was meeting) we both went on the couch and we were all sitting together. Friend 2 says I have a strong jaw line... So I kinda layed down on both friend 1 and 2 because I was drunk and it felt good. Well while friend 1 and 2 were talking, friend 2 and I started touching each others legs in a position friend 1 couldnt see. She ended up rubbing my dick at one point while saying "mhmm" in the conversation with friend 1. At this point I knew what was going to happen.

    So when I was in the bathroom she ended up coming to check up on me and well I was on floor funny enough, she helped me get up and told me to help her put her tie on her hair and she turned around and started kissing. This happened again when us three were sitting on the couch and my friend number 1 who's a good friend got up and went to the bathroom which I feel like kissing when she's gone is pretty bad enough.

    Anyways lets say friend 1 is my main friend and friend 2 is the girl that I was cuddling and had fun with. Friend 2 seemed to purposefully delay her uber ride so she could stay here to watch some stuff and cuddle while my friend 1 went to uber back home, even though friend 2 could have ubered with her. So when friend 1 left, friend 2 started kissing and well I kissed back. We went to go on the couch and watch something and well we started kissing again. That led to neck kissing, kissing her body, ect.. She then got under the covers near my legs, and well... you can imagine what happened. No penetration happened but you get the point. We were both pretty sober at this point. Anyways we left and I asked for her number which I realized I shouldn't have done because tbh I wanted to fuck her and she seemed to also want the same but maybe not.

    Well we text for a bit, I ask if she wants to hang again and she said yes. We said she wanted to kiss and cuddle again and I wanted the same. She sent me a couple of photos, one kinda showing off her butt and well her. Some things that she said was "Soo cute lmy n ur lips" this is word for word, and before that I said that you turn me on and your looking thicc funny enough. She sent me a couple of other photos after that and I said " I wish I was playing with your hair and massaging your butt rn" which I think might've been a little vulgar I shouldn't have said. Well she fell asleep and then I got a "Good morning text with the :P" and I said good morning how's your morning going? We were planning on seeing other that night but then she hasn't replied yet... I'm very confused and I'm not sure if it's just my ego or if I want sex that bad but I just find it weird to not be responded to for a day after planning something.

    Friend 1 also did say friend 2 is bipolar, also friend 2 works a decent amount. Maybe it was meant to be a one night thing? But then why text all of that stuff from the beginning saying you want to kiss again? Idk maybe it's just my ego of being ghosted after all of that but I feel like most people would feel the same. I'm already trying to find someone new but tbh I hate going through the bullshit of finding someone new again. I live in area where dating/sex life is hard to find with someone who isn't a complete degenerate.

    Thanks for reading if you made it this far, more of rant post than anything. I just wish I had something that also grants me more happiness than sex or cuddling.
    I know if I had something else that made me happier than sex, like video games. This incident would bother me a lotttt less than how much it has bothered me. I'm thinking about talking to my parents about seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist but i'm unsure about that yet. Also if I were to be happy doing other things, why would it be such a problem being ghosted? I would just do the other things that make me happy.

    Maybe I'm over analyzing the situation but for people to not text back a day or two signals to me there not interested. But I just find it weird that friend 2 said all those things then doesn't text back.
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    EDIT: Also i'm eating less today because of the feelings I'm getting from this situation. I've been ghosted before so Idk why I feel like shit compared to the other times. Maybe because of the way it happened?

    Also it wouldn't let me edit my own post so I did it here. Sorry if i'm breaking a rule.

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        Hey Anonymous3831

        I'm really sorry to hear that they've stopped replying to you. As you say, maybe it was just meant to be a one night thing, however, your reaction to this is normal. Most people find it hard when they get their hopes up about someone and the person then stops replying. I also think that with her being bipolar and working a lot, seeing it from this perspective might help you to feel better about it.

        I know you say that there isn't anything that makes you happier than sex, but I'm wondering, what other things make you happy besides sex? Maybe you need to try new things to find that special something that makes you happier

        Speak soon,
        -Monsoon

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