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just want to curl up and die

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    Im sorry if im like bothering people but......i was diagnosed with depression on my 15th birthday last year and its been a battle all 2020.i had a panic attack friday and was freaking out because i wasn't allowed to do my homework.I was grounded and now another birthday passes with my mom hating me.All i do is mess up and everyone hates me.i have no friends and...........idk
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    Hey rainbow_narwhal

    Welcome to our support community. I'm one of the digital support mentors at Ditch the Label and I'm here to give advice and support to our members. I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time. It sounds like you've got a lot of your plate with the panic attacks, feeling like your mom hates you, and feeling like you have no friends. You are not bothering us at all; we are here to help you with this - you are not alone

    It sounds like you've really been through it, but it's amazing that you're still going strong. Can I ask, why do you feel like your mom hates you? Also, if you like, we can share some tips on how to improve your mental health. Let me know if you'd like this and we can talk more about it.

    Stay strong, Rainbow. You will get through this.

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        She just dislikes me strongly.She tells me to kill myself if i'm so suicidal and tells me that she hates me and so on. I just wish she would be motherly. shes kept me isolated my whole life to "protect me".I'm just trapped.
        Were not allowed to talk about our feelings because you just get made fun of.If i show anything other then content she gets mad.I love her but i do so a lot for her (she runs a business and i take care of all the animals.Its just me who raises all 12 of them along with whatever litter we have) along with that i force myself to join clubs and sports to make her happy. I work hard to do everything right but the stress is catching up and im not stable in the first place. I need her to understand that I didn't choose to be this way. I cant just turn my feelings off.

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            Hi rainbow_narwhal I'm new to this forum so i don't know if it's normal to respond to other peoples' posts but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this and that I can relate to how you're feeling. I got diagnosed with depression in 2020 too. When I told my mom she literally wouldn't believe me and just brushed it off and got mad at me for no reason saying things like it's just me overreacting/exaggerating (even though she's the most dramatic person I know), so for me sitting there at the kitchen table carrying depression and anxiety what she said pushed me in a deeper hole. That was the last time I ever talked to her about my mental health. I also keep my emotions bottled up (which is probably a bad idea), but when I release these emotions around her, it just ends up backfiring and she just gets all crazy calling me ungrateful, dramatic, and stuff.
            So recently I opened up a secret-ish instagram account and allowed a very very small amount of my close friends to follow me. There I just post paragraphs and paragraphs of rants or whatever made me mad that day, and it's a good release of stress. If it's something really really personal that I don't want to share, I type it all in my phone and just keep it there. I also make a mental escape in my head like even though physically my mom is right there breathing down my neck, mentally she's not there, you know.
            I don't know why moms are like this, it's like the person you would expect to understand you the most just doesn't and its hard.

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                Hey rainbow_narwhal

                Thanks for explaining how things are for you at the moment. I'm really sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with your mom. How long has it been like this for? Can I ask, are you feeling suicidal at the moment? If you are, please know that we are here for you throughout this and you are not alone. You will be able to get through this.

                It sounds like your relationship with your mom is really having a big impact on your mental health. You deserve to be treated better. You have worth and you're a good person. I'm wondering, when you say she has kept you isolated your whole life, what do you mean by this?

                Also, we can share some tips on how to improve your mental health if you like? Let me know if you'd like this and we can send some things over that will help you.

                Stay strong, Rainbow. You are not alone.

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