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family problems


Esraa    

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I can't stay home with my family anymore. I used to stay out as long as I can to avoid their fights (mom and dad), that really hurts me I don't feel okay while living with this. sometimes I feel that I hate my father and I don't want to see him again I don't know if it's normal but I cant handle this feeling. I'm an introvert person, communication with others sometimes makes me anxious no problem for me to stay alone for long times, my problem isn't the lockdown due to corona, but that I can't deal with my family it feels like a heavy thing on my hurt and tired of sleeping every night crying because of them.Is neglecting the problem will save me from this harmful feelings or I should face my problems and how to face this?

thank you

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Hey Esraa, thanks for coming to us. We are here for you :). I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time at home. I can see that it's really getting to you with you staying out for as long as possible. I can imagine it's probably very hard for you to stay at home right now. Can I ask, is it safe for you to stay there at the moment? We want to make sure you're safe as that's our main priority at DTL.

 

When you talk about facing your problems, do you mean the fighting between your mom and dad, or is there something else going on? I think that for a period of time, when going through something bad, it's normal to avoid dealing with it. This can help us to build up the courage to deal with things. However, the best way to deal with our problems is to really face them head on. Once you've told me a bit more about your problems, I will then be able to give you more advice.

 

I wonder, are there things you can do to distract yourself from what's going on atm? When you're going through a really tough time, it's so important to find those little pockets of joy to bring you a bit of happiness to help get you through. Maybe you can try to think of three or four different things you can do over the next few days?

 

Hope this helps. Hang in there :)

Edited by Monsoon

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Hey, I'm sorry to say that but my main problem is that I don't love my father, I feel that I'm full of anger and sadness only because of him. I can't find it normal I can't understand how to live with these feelings. in most of times I feel ashamed of him he is not a good person at all. a year ago he hits me very bad that was the first and the last time. from that time I couldn't feel free to love him again. I can't remember one good thing about him. the worst thing for me now is his harmful discussions with mom and they both don't care about my feeling, I don't want to hear that.

 

another problem, my brother has depression and Obsessive-compulsive disorder, he told his doctor that the reason is that my father used to live away from us when we were young (that was for work), many times he tried to kill him self and asked my to kill him with a knife, he is 30 year old and I'm 21 year old girl, and unfortunately I found myself alone in such a situation. Due to my brother's mental health my parents avoid to make any problem in front of him or annoy him with anything, but they don't care about my feelings at all.

 

in this quarantine I made good habits for myself, I finished reading a lot of books, enrolled to online courses, mobile games, and I started to learn new skills for my collage and future career. I don't mind staying alone I'm always good at finding something to do. I'm physically safe but mentally I don't feel okay. I don't want to turn into a bad person because of my family.

 

How to survive these conditions with a clear heart and soul? that's all I really want.

thank you for your time.

PS. I'm not English so maybe my language is not very well excuse me :)

 

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Hey Esraa,

 

Thanks for replying to me. It sounds like you've really been going through a tough time at home. You're doing really well and it's great that you're so aware of everything and that you don't want it to affect how you are as a person.

 

Can I ask, is it currently safe for you at home? I'm sorry to hear that your dad hit you and I hope there hasn't been any more abuse since. I think it's normal to think this way about anyone that treats us like that. I think that it will take time to start to feel better about him, if that's what you even want. I wonder, do your parents know how you feel about everything? It sounds like they're so wrapped up in everything, especially with your brother's mental health. I completely understand why you feel this way and I would do too, but I think they might be distracted with everything else that's going on and you might have to talk to them about your feelings. Could you maybe write them a letter and then speak about it afterwards?

 

Also, are the lockdown restrictions now being relaxed where you are? It might be helpful for you to spend some time living with another family member or a friend if possible?

 

Finally, I think that you're doing great at just surviving right now. It's really tough to go through what you have and I think that by being open about how you feel, as you are, this is the best thing you can do to have a clear heart and soul :)

 

Btw, you might find these helpful:

https://hub.coronavirus.ditchthelabe...ring-lockdown/

Struggling atm? Here’s how to deal with your emotions during the coronavirus crisis.

 

Let me know what you think of all this. Hang in there - you're doing really well :)

 

- Monsoon

Edited by Monsoon

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey again, thank you for your advice. I want to tell you that I feel a little better about my family now. I'm just sick of doing the same things every day for 3 months I'm bored of everything, I told you previously that I'm good at finding something to do and I already have done many things but I feel that I'm done. I sleep all the morning and wake up all the night I can't find anything to wake up for, which makes me feel depressed, and mom is annoyed because of that which makes me feel bad more and more. I read articles here about the lockdown but these positive words don't work anymore.

what should I do?

thank you

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Hi Esraa. It's nice to hear from you again. It's good that you're feeling a little bit better about your family now. Why do you think that's changed? I know that in your posts, you've spoken about how you feel pushed to the side in your family. I'm just wondering if you managed to speak to them about how you feel. Let me know how it went if you did.

 

I can completely see why you feel like there's nothing to wake up for at the moment. Lockdown is hard on its own, but you have other things going on which I think might be adding to how you're feeling. By the sounds of it, I think you need some more understanding and compassion from your family. You need to feel like they get you and that your mental health is important too. Do you think there's a way of getting your mum to understand exactly what you're going through?

 

Also, I really get what you mean about the positive words not working anymore. I think you might a more practical fix now. It sounds like you might have lost your routine a bit, is that fair to say? If so, why don't you start by adding structure back to your days? Try your best to get back into a normal sleeping pattern, get dressed and ready for the day, and crack on with your routine. I'm aware that this might seem like it won't work, but the small and simple fixes really do add up in this kind of situation. One of the solutions might be to start getting on with making your days seem as normal as they possibly can for you to start feeling better. I think it's worth a try, do you?

 

Let me know what you think. Hang in there, Esraa. You're doing the best you can at the moment :)

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  • 2 years later...

Hi again, it's 2022 and I'm here again feeling depressed. life is not going well at all, I graduated 3 month ago I didn't get a job yet. I need to work to feel alive I need to have something to do but I can't

Some days I spend the whole day in bed can't do anything feeling so heavy to do anything. I hate life. lately I have too many thoughts about death I wish I die to end my pain and I don't like to think like that but it's out of my control. why I should live? I don't have an answer

I can't stand anymore I have no one to share this feelings with I barely go out it seems like it needs a great effort to go out I don't wanna meet people I hate everything and I have zero energy to do anything.

I need to know is this depression? 

I can't live with this feeling I need help!

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Death

Click this notice to reveal the content.

 

Hi again, it's 2022 and I'm here again feeling depressed. life is not going well at all, I graduated 3 month ago I didn't get a job yet. I need to work to feel alive I need to have something to do but I can't

Some days I spend the whole day in bed can't do anything feeling so heavy to do anything. I hate life. lately I have too many thoughts about death I wish I die to end my pain and I don't like to think like that but it's out of my control. why I should live? I don't have an answer

I can't stand anymore I have no one to share this feelings with I barely go out it seems like it needs a great effort to go out I don't wanna meet people I hate everything and I have zero energy to do anything.

I need to know is this depression? 

I can't live with this feeling I need help!

 

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  • Ditch the Label Staff
4 hours ago, Esraa said:

Hi again, it's 2022 and I'm here again feeling depressed. life is not going well at all, I graduated 3 month ago I didn't get a job yet. I need to work to feel alive I need to have something to do but I can't

Some days I spend the whole day in bed can't do anything feeling so heavy to do anything. I hate life. lately I have too many thoughts about death I wish I die to end my pain and I don't like to think like that but it's out of my control. why I should live? I don't have an answer

I can't stand anymore I have no one to share this feelings with I barely go out it seems like it needs a great effort to go out I don't wanna meet people I hate everything and I have zero energy to do anything.

I need to know is this depression? 

I can't live with this feeling I need help!

Hi Esraa, I'm Blondie, on of the support mentors here. I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so low and have sent you a DM to check in with you. Could you check your messages please?

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