parents

[banii]

How much do your parents impact your decisions for a partner when they judge based on religion

[Remi]

Hey Banii,

 

None of us wants to disappoint our family. But love isn't something that fits into logic or reason. It is emotional and natural and so you often cannot control it.

 

Would your parents like you to meet somebody that is also Sikh? Do you think they would let you be with a partner that made you really happy if they weren't exactly who they had in mind for you?

 

-Remi

 

 

[banii]

Hey Banii,

 

None of us wants to disappoint our family. But love isn't something that fits into logic or reason. It is emotional and natural and so you often cannot control it.

 

Would your parents like you to meet somebody that is also Sikh? Do you think they would let you be with a partner that made you really happy if they weren't exactly who they had in mind for you?

 

-Remi

 

Yes they do and I'm 10000000% sure they will never let me be with someone who is not sikh. My parents often go and rants talking about how i will one day marry a smart sikh man (im bi). They have even talked a lot of shit behind family members backs who did not marry in the same religon

[Remi]

That's really tough Banii - I'm sorry they aren't more understanding. Do you have good friends that are also Sikh to chat to about this - or maybe someone else with strict parents that can empathise what you are going through.

 

-Remi

[banii]

That's really tough Banii - I'm sorry they aren't more understanding. Do you have good friends that are also Sikh to chat to about this - or maybe someone else with strict parents that can empathise what you are going through.

 

-Remi

not at all. None of my friends are religious and every time i try to explain what i'm going through they just dont understand. I even consider myself as an athesist which makes matters wayyyyy worse.

[Remi]

Hey @banii ,

 

What would be the best and worst case scenario for telling them?

 

We could practice what you might say with me and we could offer some scenarios and then you might know how to respond if the real conversation ever comes up, what do you think?

I had a similar issue when I brought home a same-sex partner to my family and although it took them a while (especially my mum) to get it - eventually they knew my happiness was important and got to a period of 'tolerating' the relationship. It was so frustrating to me that I didn't get full acceptance from my family as I assumed they were really liberal. So it just goes to show parents can surprise us.

 

-Remi

Edited January 24, 2019 by Remi

[banii]

Hey @banii ,

 

What would be the best and worst case scenario for telling them?

 

We could practice what you might say with me and we could offer some scenarios and then you might know how to respond if the real conversation ever comes up, what do you think?

I had a similar issue when I brought home a same-sex partner to my family and although it took them a while (especially my mum) to get it - eventually they knew my happiness was important and got to a period of 'tolerating' the relationship. It was so frustrating to me that I didn't get full acceptance from my family as I assumed they were really liberal. So it just goes to show parents can surprise us.

 

-Remi

The best scenario would be they would cut me off and probably kick me out . I'm bi and an atheist and my family is way to religious. They would feel like I am a disappointment. The worst being my mom or dad would kill themselves. It sounds like I'm over reacting but I know that it could be possible. I would never want to be the reason why someone dies. Some days I feel like it'd be best if I just tell no one. No one knows, no gets hurt. If you were in my situation what would you do. I'm 14 and I know who I am not just some edgy teenager.

[Remi]

Hey Banii,

 

Wow, it sounds like telling your parents just is not an option right now. I understand how hard that must be as you have to hide your truth. The good thing is you have told someone, you've told me, and I'm here for you. I came out a few years ago and I waited for quite a few years to do so, it was weird, just because I wasn't out as bisexual it didn't stop me being bisexual. Maybe for a while, it will only be your digital friends that know about your sexuality.

 

Where are you from? Hey, there's nothing wrong with being an edgy teenager

[banii]

Hey Banii,

 

Wow, it sounds like telling your parents just is not an option right now. I understand how hard that must be as you have to hide your truth. The good thing is you have told someone, you've told me, and I'm here for you. I came out a few years ago and I waited for quite a few years to do so, it was weird, just because I wasn't out as bisexual it didn't stop me being bisexual. Maybe for a while, it will only be your digital friends that know about your sexuality.

 

Where are you from? Hey, there's nothing wrong with being an edgy teenager

I'm from Ontario. And it's just that people have always told me that growing up. Thanks for talking to me about this.

 

I recently thought of post secondary and how it is something i definetly want to pursue in. But the thing is once i move out i want to tell everyone the real me and that includes my parents. Although im 14 i always am afraid of the future. If I rely on my parents money for post secondary I would feel like shit because they would feel like they wasted thousands of dollars on a dissapointment (not how i view myself mostly). On the other hand I would be put in so much debt and would have to work minimum wage jobs which would take years to save up. And even if I choose the first option my mom doesn't even support my career choice which is geography. I have always taken great interest in geography and it's the only subject I excel in. My mom says that geography is a stupid job to go into and I'll end up a janitor even though several of her trusted relatives came to her and said it's a good job.