Coping with self hatred?

[hopefulone]

How do I cope with hating myself for my sexuality? I have cried about this sometimes. I keep thinking that I am faking and that I am gross and disgusting for being a lesbian. Any advice or tips?

[Remi]

Hello @hopefulone

 

I'm so so sorry you feel like this. You are absolutely fundamentally not gross or disgusting. You were born this way and love is love, it is such a beautiful thing and know that what your mind is telling you just isn't true.

 

Why do you feel like you feel this way?

 

-Remi

[Marv]

Okay right. You are not gross. You are not disgusting. Say it to yourself right now, out loud.

 

So, I'm bisexual, although at the moment I'm actually wondering if I'm actually lesbian or not. So, my story: when I was probably around 13, 14, I played a game, on which I made quite a few friends. One of them, I added on Skype. We video called, and that's when I found I liked girls too. I was UTTERLY horrified. So much so, that after the call, I stopped playing that game for over a year, I didn't go on Skype, and eventually deleted her from Skype. Awful. Yes. But back then, I wasn't having it. For a few weeks after video calling her, I couldn't get it out her face out of my head. It stressed me out, I cried in my room. I even direct messaged someone who was lesbian and asked them why I was obsessing over someone I didn't really know. She said that I probably liked girls, and I was totally horrified (even more).

 

Fast forward a while, I realised that it wasn't a bad thing. Funnily enough, I ended up watching a TV show, Jessica Jones on Netflix, which has a lesbian character in it. I realised that, 1) I'm not the only one, 2) it isn't a bad thing, and 3) I don't have to freak out about it, hate myself for it, or anything negative like that. My sexuality is me, I can't change it, so own it. It's a shock when you find out, not to everyone, but for me it was, and I'm guessing you too (?). It's scary.

 

It's okay to feel weird about it, feel like it's wrong, unnatural maybe, I thought it was freaky and wrong when I first found out. But it isn't. So many are like you. Love is love. That's a fact. If you like girls, you like girls, if you like boys, you like boys, if you like both, you like both. Simple as. I found that one of the best things to do was open my eyes a bit and try and find people like me. I've followed LGBT pages on Instagram, I've made friends who are pansexual and gay. Believe me, you are not gross; you are not disgusting. It's scary, but love is love, and it is YOU. Embrace is, own it.

 

Hope this helps you <3

[hopefulone]

Okay right. You are not gross. You are not disgusting. Say it to yourself right now, out loud.

 

So, I'm bisexual, although at the moment I'm actually wondering if I'm actually lesbian or not. So, my story: when I was probably around 13, 14, I played a game, on which I made quite a few friends. One of them, I added on Skype. We video called, and that's when I found I liked girls too. I was UTTERLY horrified. So much so, that after the call, I stopped playing that game for over a year, I didn't go on Skype, and eventually deleted her from Skype. Awful. Yes. But back then, I wasn't having it. For a few weeks after video calling her, I couldn't get it out her face out of my head. It stressed me out, I cried in my room. I even direct messaged someone who was lesbian and asked them why I was obsessing over someone I didn't really know. She said that I probably liked girls, and I was totally horrified (even more).

 

Fast forward a while, I realised that it wasn't a bad thing. Funnily enough, I ended up watching a TV show, Jessica Jones on Netflix, which has a lesbian character in it. I realised that, 1) I'm not the only one, 2) it isn't a bad thing, and 3) I don't have to freak out about it, hate myself for it, or anything negative like that. My sexuality is me, I can't change it, so own it. It's a shock when you find out, not to everyone, but for me it was, and I'm guessing you too (?). It's scary.

 

It's okay to feel weird about it, feel like it's wrong, unnatural maybe, I thought it was freaky and wrong when I first found out. But it isn't. So many are like you. Love is love. That's a fact. If you like girls, you like girls, if you like boys, you like boys, if you like both, you like both. Simple as. I found that one of the best things to do was open my eyes a bit and try and find people like me. I've followed LGBT pages on Instagram, I've made friends who are pansexual and gay. Believe me, you are not gross; you are not disgusting. It's scary, but love is love, and it is YOU. Embrace is, own it.

 

Hope this helps you <3

I've been bullied by other people at school and my older sister is constantly making homophobic comments and hates lgbt.

[Marv]

@hopefulone It's hard, I won't lie. I know a few people who make jokes about LGBTQ+ and say things that are horrible. My 'friend' once said that 'bisexual people are confused' which really hurt me. It's not true. It's rubbish. And I won't forget what she said. I'm sorry that your sister isn't nice to you about it. Unfortunately there will always be people who don't agree. If you're still being bullied, or want to talk to someone about your sister's comments, there is always someone who can help. If you're still being bullied, especially,l I'd advice seeing someone, maybe a school member of staff? and express your worries?

[hopefulone]

@hopefulone It's hard, I won't lie. I know a few people who make jokes about LGBTQ+ and say things that are horrible. My 'friend' once said that 'bisexual people are confused' which really hurt me. It's not true. It's rubbish. And I won't forget what she said. I'm sorry that your sister isn't nice to you about it. Unfortunately there will always be people who don't agree. If you're still being bullied, or want to talk to someone about your sister's comments, there is always someone who can help. If you're still being bullied, especially,l I'd advice seeing someone, maybe a school member of staff? and express your worries?

That is helpful.Thank you so much.

[Blondie]

@hopefulone Hey, completely agree that no one deserves to be bullied for any reason at all. Please do consider talking to someone you trust at your school as this is homophobic (and may even be a hate crime depending on the nature of the abuse) and schools have a duty to deal with this.

 

It's important to remember that it is never your fault - you are perfect exactly as you are.

 

Let us know how you get on.