Suddenly confused about my sexuality

[nineintheaft]

Hi all,

 

I'm 24 year old female and I have gone all that time believing I was straight. However the last 6 months or so has really confused me.

 

I should state that I'm a virgin with little experience with men, and no experience with any other gender.

 

At the beginning of the year, I began to have STRONG feelings for a female on a TV show. I was, and to an extent, still am attracted to her. I mean, I WANTED her, never the case of wanting to be her, I wanted to spend my time with her, being affectionate and things. It then got to a point where another 2 females on said show became attractive to me. After the series finished, the feelings went away but over the last couple of days they have suddenly returned big time to the point I am realising the physical attractions of famous females, other females I know and the fact that I wouldn't exactly be opposed to trying things with a woman.

 

I've only told my best friend so far and I thought I could figure it out or decide things for myself but I'm so confused by how I feel and just don't even know what is going on in my head and it's really making me feel strange and just completely conflicted.

 

Am I bisexual (with a stronger preference for men) or just dealing with some INTENSE girl crushes?

[Remi]

Hello @nineintheaft

Is that a Panic at the Disco reference?

That's great that you are having some feelings for girls too, I wouldn't worry too much about giving yourself a label just yet as you are just questioning and exploring your sexuality, which is really normal. Keep an open mind and just let yourself feel what it wants to at this point.

 

For a bit of fun you could take our quiz https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-bisexual-quiz/ but just remember to take it with a pinch of salt - a quick can't really guess your sexuality.

 

How would you feel if you were bisexual? FYI I didn't come out as bi until I was 24 either.

 

Remi

Edited July 18, 2019 by Remi

[nineintheaft]

Hello @nineintheaft

Is that a Panic at the Disco reference?

That's great that you are having some feelings for girls too, I wouldn't worry too much about giving yourself a label just yet as you are just questioning and exploring your sexuality, which is really normal. Keep an open mind and just let yourself feel what it wants to at this point.

 

For a bit of fun you could take our quiz https://www.ditchthelabel.org/am-i-bisexual-quiz/ but just remember to take it with a pinch of salt - a quick can't really guess your sexuality.

 

How would you feel if you were bisexual? FYI I didn't come out as bi until I was 24 either.

 

Remi

Yes, it is!

 

It did say I was Pan, which could also be a possibility as I really don't think it would matter to me what gender they were if they were attractive and I liked them!

 

Honestly, it doesn't bother me. The feelings and thoughts I'm suddenly getting are actually quite satisfying and it's nice. It's just all confusing. But I can't stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss a girl, cuddle up with them and just have those moments with them, As I have little sexual experience, I can't say about going any further, but I really am not opposed to trying it out and seeing.

[Marv]

Hey, @nineintheaft

I totally get what you mean. I'm 18, nearing 19, and always assumed I was straight. Until one crazy day when I video called a friend, and she was absolutely gorgeous! Since then, I've been attracted to lots of girls, yet I've only been attracted to two, three guys, I go by bisexual, but I'm often a bit confused too. It is to my understanding, that you can be bi and lean towards liking females or males.

For example: I can see myself spending time with another female, kissing another female, hugging and holding hands with a female, I get VERY jealous when ever I see two girls holding hands, and I get attracted to females almost daily. Men, on the other hand, I find some cute I suppose, adorable more so, and a couple I found 'hot'. I've crushed on two guys, but both crushes lasted literally like two months then died. Sexually: never been that fond, but I'd see myself having sexual experiences with females.

I've found that I'm bisexual and prefer women by, as I put it, 'observing from a far'. I've only had one relationship, which hasn't lasted, which I learnt a lot from. But I think sometimes you don't HAVE to experience a relationship with a male/female to know what you like. You can do, and it's helpful because you can discover more, but you can work things out by closely taking note of how you feel around certain people.

But anywho, there's no rush in finding out EXACTLY what your sexuality is. It's a complex thing. When I (accidentally (don't ask XD)) told my mom, all I said was 'I'm not exactly straight', because I wasn't sure if I was lesbian or just bisexual. Still not sure. But don't worry too much about giving yourself a label, all you need to know is what the kinda stuff you like. Maybe you swing to guys, maybe you swing to girls. Doesn't matter, it's part of you.

Keep an open mind, see what you like as you walk around in public, maybe research a bit. I hope all this helps in some way... I end up waffling on and typing loads, but I really hope it helps

[raisinbranconsumer]

I actually need advice on the same thing. I'm 15, and all of a sudden start to question my sexuality and whether or not I'm bi. I felt the same way in 7th grade, but just pushed it away. For example like I could see myself spending time with a girl like I would a boy, kissing or holding hands with one. I've started to find girls attractive more than I have before and gotten nervous around them like I used to do around cute boys. I've definitely had very small crushes on my female friends, but I don't know if that's normal at this age or not. I've heard people say if you are you just know or always knew... but I really don't know and I'm so confused and stressed. I can't tell if I'm going through a phase or if I really like girls? I don't have anybody I can talk to or get advice from so I'm hoping somebody can work through this with me. My family is super homophobic and most people around me are accept for a few good friends, but they still aren't people I could talk to about this comfortably. It all sounds so dumb I know.

Edited September 3, 2019 by raisinbranconsumer

[Marv]

I actually need advice on the same thing. I'm 15, and all of a sudden start to question my sexuality and whether or not I'm bi. I felt the same way in 7th grade, but just pushed it away. For example like I could see myself spending time with a girl like I would a boy, kissing or holding hands with one. I've started to find girls attractive more than I have before and gotten nervous around them like I used to do around cute boys. I've definitely had very small crushes on my female friends, but I don't know if that's normal at this age or not. I've heard people say if you are you just know or always knew... but I really don't know and I'm so confused and stressed. I can't tell if I'm going through a phase or if I really like girls? I don't have anybody I can talk to or get advice from so I'm hoping somebody can work through this with me. My family is super homophobic and most people around me are accept for a few good friends, but they still aren't people I could talk to about this comfortably. It all sounds so dumb I know.

I'd say that by the fact that you're confused, questioning and come here to talk about it that your instincts are telling you that maybe you are bi? When I realised I liked girls too, I freaked out and crushed the idea and forgot about it until recently when I've embraced it. I really do think that it clicks eventually/bits click into place over time. But it does take time and it is scary to discover. Like I said, only recently I've been paying close attention to my sexuality and it is scary. Since you're unsure, some use the word 'bicurious', meaning pretty much what it says on the tin: you're curious as to whether you are bisexual or not. Considering you say you're having crushes/attractions to females, as well as males, I would say you're quite possibly bisexual - but it is a complex thing. As for homophobic people around you: you don't HAVE to come out to anyone if you don't want to. I realised I liked girls when I was around 14/15, and I didn't think on it until I was 17/18. I'm nearing 19 now and it still makes me nervous sometimes. I didn't come out to anyone until I was 17. Even now, I've only come out to 7 people, which is totally fine. IT can be difficult to keep it inside you, but honestly if you don't trust anyone with the information, it isn't worth telling them. I promise you'll find someone you can tell. This is why I believe online communities/friends are good to have, because often (I've found) you can find someone quite easily who shares your experiences. Nothing you've said sounds dumb, honestly it doesn't; like I said, it's a complex thing and can be tough to come to terms with and work out.

I hope this helps, and if you want to talk more about it, just let me know!! I'm more than happy to help and message about it

[Remi]

Hey @raisinbranconsumer

 

I totally disagree that it's just when you know you know. I know I replied on your other post but I think it's so much more fluid than that. Growing up I always identified as heterosexual but experimented with girls a little bit, it wasn't until I dated my first woman at 24 that I came out as bisexual but I suppose I always found women attractive before that. Please don't rush to put a name on what you are feeling because you think you have to. Being bisexual can take so many different forms for different people. There's so many of us around how would we all fit within the same label as each of our experiences are unique to us!

 

Try not to worry and listen to your intuition as it is usually right, as long as you go into each of these experiences with an open non-judgemental mindset you can't go wrong and be prepared to surprise yourself from time to time!

 

Remi

[rosealvina]

Several times in the past, I've heard people ask, “How are you supposed to know if you're sexually attracted to another gender and/or sex before you have sex with them?� And the thing is, I understand the line of thought. But, how does a straight person know they’re interested in having sex with the opposite sex before they’ve actually done it? How did you know you were interested in the first gender and/or sex you felt attraction toward before having sex with them? Our bodies literally tell us these things.

 

https://docsbay.net/heres-how-to-tell-if-youre-actually-bisexual

[Remi]

Hey @rosealvina

 

Yes you are totally right, attraction doesn't only need to be to do about the act of sex itself. It is about what you find attractive, in someone, and who you envision dating, what you fantasise about etc. It is definitely possible to understand your sexuality before you have sex.

 

Remi

[Marv]

Exactly. I haven't had sex and I've worked out that I like males and females. I've also worked out over time, without even dating a girl, that I definitely like females more than males. Your instincts/body/mind will tell you a lot if you just pay attention, listen and trust yourself. You can find out a lot just by wandering about in public, for example. You absolutely don't need to have had sex with a certain sex/gender to work things out.