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I'm on the verge of giving up

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    Remi

    Well on weekends, my supervisor is cool to talk about, since he is a gamer like me (all though he has a lot more knowledge, obviously). And on weekdays, the cashier is probably the one I talk with the most. She's a year older than me and we can joke around with each other. She knows that I'm still single and tries to give me advice, but none of it seems to work for me. Especially since she's more outgoing while I'm more timid. She also tells me that I'm probably the nicest person she knows, but I feel like I'm mean to everyone.

    As for coming out my shell, I only talked to them because I was forced to in my job. This isn't like high school where you're around the same people every day for 6 hours. This is college where everyone has a different schedule, motivation, friends, etc. I'm not forced to be around them. I just go to classes and go about my day. Everyone else does the same thing. It's just that everyone else has friends with them whereas I'm alone.

    For me, I've just always been told that I'm ugly. In a private poll that the girls in high school did (that us guys found out about), I was ranked nearly bottom in a list of most attractive guys. Also, on Reddit, when I posted an image on /r/amiugly, I was overwhelming told that I was below average in looks. I've just accepted it. I try to eat right. I try to work out, but nothing has fixed my perception.

    As for reciprocated feelings, I am absolutely fine with rejection. I can accept it. What I hate, however, is that I lose that person as a friend. It has happened every single time. I develop feelings for a friend, act on those feelings, and then lose that person in my life entirely. Of course, since I have no friends, I can't lose any either (so I guess that's a win?)

    I don't think I'm worth anything or have any redeemable qualities that could be of use in the world. My writing isn't very good. Also, I wouldn't want to be a bother and join a Facebook group of Computer Science majors (also, I rarely use Facebook, so that's another reason).

    I sure hope this feeling will pass, though I have serious doubts. I don't really watch TV, but I watch YouTube and play games when I'm not working or doing homework.

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        SenatorConfer I think that the cashier has hit an important point - you don't see yourself as others do. Changing our mindset about how we feel about and value ourselves takes work but it's really important. Every day, tell yourself that you are a good person, a nice person - whatever wording that you want to feel like and even if you don't believe it, still say it. It's part of challenging our thought processes and negative thinking patterns.

        Start to reframe your days so instead of thinking something (just an example) like "I didn't achieve xxx today so today is a write off" reframe it as "today I did xxx" - no matter how big or small that thing was. It could be that you got up, got showered and went to college. This way you can start to reframe your thinking to focus on positive things and build from there.

        I can imagine how hard it was to read that about your looks but please know that we should never base our worth / attractiveness on other people's opinions of us. Going forward, try hard not to hand people an invitation to do so. You are, quite rightly, in control of your own life and when people are given these opportunities they are basing them on their own experiences and insecurities.

        Have you ever tried the meet up app? It's an excellent way to meet new people with similar interests away from college.

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            Blondie

            I'm worried that if I do that, I'll become arrogant and develop an ego. I don't want that. I already hate myself enough as is. I want to believe I'm a good person, I really do. I just don't know if that's the truth.

            For me, every time I make a mistake I hate myself even more. I said something stupid? Well, that's because I am stupid. I forgot to do something at work? Well, that's because I'm terrible at everything I do. I really don't know how to reframe my mindset, when self-hatred is ingrained in my personality.

            As for not basing my worth on other people, how else am I supposed to know that I'm a decent human being? Someone would have to value me enough to do so. If people feel better about themselves by tearing me down, why would that be so bad? They at least gain something positive out of it. At least one person's perspective on life improves. And they aren't worthless like I am.

            I've never heard of the Meet Up app. Even if I have, I don't have a car. I live in my college apartment, go to class, go to work, and that's it. Nothing exciting ever can happen to me.

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                SenatorConfer hey, I honestly know how hard it is but unless we actually challenge ourselves t make changes, nothing will ever change. That's fine if you're happy with how things are but if you're not then let's look at some new approaches.

                I can't imagine for a minute that you would develop an ego as you have a tendency to self deprecate - working on your self-esteem will kinda level you up rather than take you over to be 'too much'.

                So many aspects of our personalities are learned which means they are like habits which can be changed.

                With allowing negative comments or inviting them - my feelings are that it is 'bad' as this validates and spreads that behaviour and so many people cannot cope with that. I guess my other thoughts on that would be - are their comments making you feel any better? If not, it's worth looking at it again. You deserve to be treated well and are not worthless. Do you want to make a change but just don't know how? It isn't always easy but it is possible.

                You don't need a car for the meet up app - it narrows it down to your local area.

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                    Blondie I just hate myself. It's something I don't know if I can ever stop. I've never been told by a non-family member that I'm worth something. That I'm valued. That they care about me. It hurts knowing that if I kill myself, no one would care. I could go without talking for days and everything would be alright.

                    Hating myself doesn't make me feel better, but it seems like the only option to remind myself that I'm alive. I don't know how to change. I honestly feel that if someone else romantically loved me or wanted me as a friend, that would give me the idea that I'm cared about.

                    I probably sound so demanding. I hate sounding like that.

                    Also, I don't know what to do to hang out. Plus, I wouldn't want to be a bother or invade someone's already-established group. I'd ruin the dynamic by dirtying up the group with my presence.

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