Back to Ditch The Label

Sexuality, Dating & Relationships

Potential big drama over a kiss

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Author
Posts
  •  
    Okay, so this is gonna probably be long, but I could be in a pretty shit situation here.
    So, last week my friend came with me and her flat to the Pride social. We had some drinks then went to the club. Whilst at the club that night, she said that she liked me. Now, she was drunk, so I didn't really take it mega seriously, I was really surprised actually, didn't expect it at all. Right there and there, we agreed to just see how things went, we didn't kiss or anything, just talked about it, then went home. I'm going to call her Jess for the sake of this story. Now, Jess also likes someone else (from her flat) who I'm going to call Ben. Ben has also liked Jess. Recently, Ben has been annoyed with Jess because Jess keeps changing her mind about being in a relationship with him or not. Jess is bisexual (Ben is straight), but has expressed that she's still confused and isn't sure what she wants, so told Ben that she'd rather not go forward into a relationship. Cool, line drawn.

    Now, Ben really likes Jess (still), but the other day said that he's pretty much over it now. When he wold me this, he also brought up that Jess had told me she liked me the week before. He asked if we were going to go through with it, I replied that we'd agreed to see what happens. So, now he knows.
    Last night was Pride social again. Jess and her flatmates (who I will name Dan and Holly). Dan and Holly are good friends of mine. So, myself, Dan, Holly and Jess went round the pubs, then into the club. I'd drank, but I wasn't smashed, so I knew what I was doing. Jess was drunk - as I've realised now, more drunk than I thought she was. At the club, we danced together as friends. Then, we got talked about what she told me the week before. I said right there and than that she was hot. Just simple as. I wanted to dig into it a bit, see what was up. I asked what would happen if I were to kiss her, and she said she'd like that. Still wasn't very convinced myself. Then, she kissed me (lips). Shocker.
    We then kissed a few more times (Dan and Holly saw), every time I asked if she was sure, if it was okay, if it wasn't just because she was drunk, and she said it was fine, so we kissed. After that, we went to grab pizza and I invited Jess to mine. She agreed. We ate the pizza and watched an episode of something, then she left. No kissing, no nothing.
    Next morning, so today, in the last few hours, I get a text from her saying that she's sorry, she doesn't know what came over her, she's confused, doesn't know who she likes, and wants to just leave it (which is totally fine with me, I ain't bothered). But what she also said was that Ben had, that morning, left their flat group chat. At first I thought it could be a coincidence, maybe he's just tired or having a bad day (I've helped him a lot recently with bad days and vise versa). But then we go to the lecture. He didn't say hi to either of us. During the lecture, he leaned on his hand so he couldn't see us (although now I'm wondering if it's me or Jess, or both of us he didn't want to see). So, now I'm thinking, shit he knows. The only way I can imagine he knows is that Dan and Holly told him, and/or he worked it out because Jess came to mine after the club.
    Now, the thing that's annoying me more is this, which is something me friend said to me and I agree with. I don't like that she kissed me and then said sorry about it and backtracked. She's done that twice before now - arguably, I should have seen it coming. She did it to a girl I liked not long ago, went round, had a good night, then messaged her the morning after saying she wasn't sure about it. That's what she did to Ben, and now she's done it to me. I TOTALLY understand that she's unsure, but I'd rather she hadn't kissed me then pulled the unsure card on me. I understand now why Ben was annoyed about her being indecisive about liking him.
    So, I have no clue what to do. I've never fallen out with anyone in my life. I want to ask Ben if he's okay, but I don't know what to say if he brings this up, I don't know what to do. I dare not ask Dan and Holly if they told him, because I don't want to lose them as mates. My friend said it's probably best to act like nothing happened and see if Ben approached me about it and wants to talk about it - because I understand that from his point of view, this is probably really frustrating, upsetting and difficult and confusing because he doesn't know the ins and outs of the story. I also don't want to talk to him about it over text, because it could be so easily misunderstood.

    What the hell do I do?
  •  
    Marv hey, I can see why you'd want to avoid drama and upsetting people. I agree with you in that Jess is confused / unsure and that's okay - but what's not really okay is to bring others in as collateral damage, especially as this seems to be when her guard is down when she's had a few drinks. You're right, it has the potential to create falling out which everyone would prefer to avoid.
    I think your friend is right in that for the moment. to just step back and leave it as it's very possible that Ben is not cool / angry / hurt / frustrated with Jess and it may have nothing to do with you at all. I'm not a fan of text discussions either because of the chance of tone being lost, unless it's to say "hey can we talk".
    If after a few days it's clear that Ben is also not okay with you then definitely have a chat and clear the air so you both have the chance to step back from Jess without it becoming unpleasant to each other or towards Jess.

    Comment

    • Comment

      •  
        Blondie Thank you so much.
        Yeah, my plan is to give it some time, and if he doesn't approach me about it or doesn't seem any better, then I'm going to message him and ask if he's okay. We've had enough deep conversations lately, helped each other out with stuff a lot, so I reckon he'd be open and honest with me - and likewise, I will be too. I don't think he'll be holding anything against me. If he's jealous that I kissed her, I think that's understandable. I think it's also important that at some point he hears the full story and that she did the same thing to me as she did to him. I'm fine with her being unsure about herself, I just wish she'd have acknowledged it and not engaged last night...

        Comment

        • Comment

          •  
            Marv I completely agree - and you are so articulate and able to see everyone point of view the I'm sure Ben will be cool.

            Comment

            • Comment

              •  
                Thank you, thank you so much.

                You know what though? One positive did come out of this. It was my first kiss, the first time I ever kissed a girl. And it was great. I'm happy I did it, even if it's produced this complicated situation. I'm happy that I decided to do it. It was an experience. I think it's helped me learn a little more about my sexuality, what I prefer, etc. So I guess that's good.

                Comment

                • Comment

                  Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

                  Working...
                  X