Marv Posted June 1, 2020 Share Posted June 1, 2020 I've posted a few times on here about questioning my sexuality. I understand it much more than I did a year ago, but I'm still finding things out, questioning, and becoming confused again. I know it's no rush to work it out and find someone, but it's good to discuss it. I want to keep this as short and clear as possible but I'm not great at explaining but here goes. So I'm 19, I've been attracted romantically to four guys in my life and a LOT of girls, so I've gone with bisexual. I've never had 'love at first site', I've never experienced sexual attractions to strangers, and I've not really experienced any sexual feelings at all in my life. I've dated one person. I knew him for 5-6years before dating him. I felt nothing for 5/6 years, then suddenly I was romantically attracted to him. We dated for a few months, and I was starting to want more than just small kisses and hugging. I'm not sure if it was sexual activities I wanted or if I just wanted more than kissing. I wanted no clothes, that's for sure. But anyway, it didn't work out and I very suddenly lost interest and we dropped the relationship. Since then, I've started university. There was a girl I met and got to know very well. I hung out with her pretty much every day, she came over to watch TV and we went out on nights out with friends. Few months later, after having seen her literally every day, I suddenly became VERY attached to her and started fantasising things. We're not together, but even now (half a year later) I'd really love to be in a relationship with her. She's into sexual stuff, but I don't know if I am, but considering the things I sometimes think about, I'm thinking maybe I'm not completely asexual, but still not totally into sexual activities. I've been thinking about demisexuality, but was hoping for ideas from you guys? I was also wondering, in terms of demisexuality, what does that mean in terms of preferences? like do you get demi lesbians? demi bisexuals? or are you just demisexual and you prefer what you prefer? does that make sense? Thanks! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 Hello Marv, How is university going for you? is it postponed because of the covid 19 situation, I hope it’s all going okay. Have you and this girl ever spoken about your relationship being more than a friendship, or are you going off vibes? Do you know what her sexuality is? Have you been in touch over the lockdown? From my understanding people that define themselves as demisexual often find that in order to feel sexual attraction they need to have a deep emotional connection first. Now for a lot of people that don’t identify as demisexual this can also be the same but it will be a consistent pattern of only being able to find sexual attraction after a period of deep emotional connection, and just with asexuality, your preference is not decided by the label, you can be a demisexual and bisexual, or pansexual. As always though, labels are just a guide, and they can never fully describe you, because you are unique. Try not to think of it as a crisis, this is what I went through when I was 19, it's a part of the journey of figuring out who you are, and we are constantly doing that. Does this help at all? Remi MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marv Posted June 2, 2020 Author Share Posted June 2, 2020 I came home from uni and finished the work online. Luckily I didn't have much more to do so I did my exams, essay and two posters and submitted them. I'm all done now! And they're planning on welcoming us back in September too so that's good. As for the girl, she's lesbian and she's told my friends she likes/d me and they told me. So I'm pretty sure about her. Hmm okay. Ahhh, I get confused by all the terms so easily. I know I don't *need* a label, I guess it's just good to know. It's tricky too because, again there's no rush, but I'd like to try being more open to dating, but it's tricky when I don't fully understand like what I like and how I like it and stuff? So, you're either demi/bi/pan/etc, you're not like a bisexual demi or a demi lesbian? and if you're demisexual you could effectively be into guys, girls, or both, or something? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 Hey Marv, I'm glad university was sorted and that you can go back in September, that must be a relief for you. Ahh okay, so there could be something between you two, thats really exciting Marv. Just have clear and open conversations from the beginning about where you are at with your sexuality - figuring it out is part of that. So from my understanding, demisexuality is related to your sexuality not your preference. SO you can be a demisexual lesbian, or demi pansexual, its about needing an emotional connection regardless of the preference. It falls into the same category as asexuality. If I were a lesbian that required a strong emotional connection before feeling sexual attraction then I could describe myself as a demi lesbian. I hope that's clear. MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marv Posted June 3, 2020 Author Share Posted June 3, 2020 Ohhh! It's just clicked, okay. That makes sense, yes. Thank you!! And yes, it is. I'm not sure if we'll ever get together as she's moving into a flat next year down the hill from me so won't see her as often but we'll see MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 Hey @Marv Glad its clicked! Well you know what they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, it might be a good thing for you guys to have some space. Remi MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addy1997 Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Hi I'm a teenage girl and im not sure about my sexuality ive liked a girl before and i can see myself in a relationship with both genders tho i like guys more i can't see myself marrying the same gender my family is Catholic and are against same sex relationships im also sexually attracted to both genders please help me MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addy1997 Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Hi I'm a teenage girl and im not sure about my sexuality ive liked a girl before i didnt realize i had feelings for her until a few months later and i can see myself in a relationship with both genders tho i like guys more i can't see myself marrying the same gender my family is Catholic and are against same sex relationships im also sexually attracted to both genders please help me MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Hi I'm a teenage girl and im not sure about my sexuality ive liked a girl before i didnt realize i had feelings for her until a few months later and i can see myself in a relationship with both genders tho i like guys more i can't see myself marrying the same gender my family is Catholic and are against same sex relationships im also sexually attracted to both genders please help me Hey Addy . Thanks for reaching out to us for support. I'm sorry to hear about your family being against same-sex relationships. How does that make you feel? I'm just wondering what you would like support with? Let me know and I will be able to help you out. Speak soon, -Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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