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Am not sure what to do anymore.


krinya    

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hey guys. Pardon me but i'm not that good at English. I hope you will be able to understand what i'm tryin' to say.

well, it's a really long

story but i'll try to keep it short as much as i can..

At, first i used have lots of friends. I'm a pretty popular guy in my class. I used to have a crush on a girl in my class. I call her nikki. I really love her so much that i am willing to die any moment if she says so. But after graduation from my school everything has changed. my friends with whom i used to spend lot of time having fun, had forgotten me. never contacted me again. But this girl nikki continued to stay in contact with me ever since. Later she even introduced her friend deepu. From then deepu and I become good friends. Finally one fine day , I had proposed my love to nikki. But unfortunately, she rejected my proposal. I felt soooo depressed. not knowing what to do anymore. Gradually nikki also stopped talking with me.But deepu didn't. She has been on my side in my sad moments. Slowly we became best friends and on one day, deepu proposed me.She was loving me way too much. If i rejected her there, i thought she might become like me and wanted to return the same feelings. so i accepted her proposal. slowly not knowing when, i became really fond of her. even when i was looking back in my past, deepu was the one who was with me when ever i felt sad. she was the one who cheered me. But later on things had changed when i got transferred to another city. numerous arguments and quarrels everyday Even during my final exams, i was completely restless. Then again nikki has came back. She started talking with me like before, i used to share everthing with her, even my problems with deepu but still she supported me. Tried to calm things down. and not knowing when i starting liking her too again, just like in the past. I finally understood that i was only attracted to deepu and named it as love. I really want nikki in my life. I don't think it's the right thing to do to deepu. what i mean is, having someone in my heart but on the surface saying that i love deepu. I want to breakup with deepu and don't want to her too much. I know that nikki won't be mine ever. but i just want to stand by her side till the end.

 

I'm really messed right?

i hope someone can advice me what to do.

 

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Hey Krinya,

 

Welcome to the support community.

 

I think I understand what you are saying. You had feelings for Nikki and you shared how you felt but she rejected you. Deepu was then there for you when you needed her, and stood by your side, but things turned a bit sour. If you don't want to be with Deepu you need to break up with her and be honest about how you are feeling, honestly is the best policy here, it's also probably not a good idea to keep sharing with her after the break up as, if she has feelings for you she will need some distance and space to get over you.

 

As for Nikki, It's unhealthy to remain friends with someone if you have feelings for them, you will torture yourself. If Nikki has made it clear she doesn't feel that way, it may be worth taking, say a month out with no contact in order to let your heart heal. It sounds like you are very attached to her, and this isn't healthy for you either.

 

You're not messed up at all, when we are infatuated we often act out of character. As our feelings are amplified so much. Best to get some space from the situation and be honest with Deepu.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Remi

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Hey Remi,

Thank you for your advice and quick response.

 

Lately i have been getting these nightmares. If i'm honest with my feelings and follow my heart, then everything will be collapsed and I'll be left alone in the shade.

 

I'm scared. What if nikki leaves me again? What if she leaves me alone again? Lately things are turning out good between us, I feel like everything will be destroyed and i will be left in despair. As for deepu i'm feeling really guilty. She loves me way too much. And here i am,not able to return her feelings, whom she trusted with all she had. I might not able able to bring myself to show my face ever again to her.

 

I'm really a coward, aren't I?

 

Krinya.

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Hello Krinya,

 

I'm sorry to hear you're having nightmares over this situation and I think it's really commendable that you care so much. People recover far quicker than you think, and honesty is always better than living a lie. We can't help who we like but what we are in control of is being honest about our feelings. We can't stay in unhappy relationships because we are scared to be alone.. and often the time when you spend alone is when you really get to know a lot more about yourself and learn how to not be codependent. Then you are able to build healthy and happier relationships in the future because you love yourself. None of this is easy, but I think that icky feeling you have might leave once you are honest with yourself and Deepu.

 

We're here for you, whatever you decide to do. and you certainly aren't a coward as you have come here to ask for help and that's very noble.

 

Remi

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Hey Remi,

​Thanks for the advice. That made me feel a lot better.

I will take the step forward. What ever might happen, let it happen. There won't be any change if i don't do anything, right?..

Thank you for your support.

Krinya.

​​​​​​

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Hey there Krinya,

 

I'm glad it could help, you are being very brave. No pressure, do what you feel is right. But yes if we need putting the same numbers in we will keep coming out with the same answer.

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

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