I feel like I'm stopping my self from expressing my sexuality

[Mcoco]

Hey there ! I looked into the chats but figured it was better if I asked my own personal question. So I'm a 23 cis-woman and I've been questioning my sexuality for quite a bit. When I was younger I realised I was attracted to girls and felt ashamed by it. I'm pretty sure I ha feelings for my girl bestfriend when I was a teenager. I've been raised by a quite conservative family with homophobic tendencies so I figure that might be why I feel ashamed and scared. I also do like guys and feel attracted to them but at the moment a bit put off by the mainstream male/female relationship that just lacks respect in my opinion! I feel like I'm not allowing to express fully my sexuality and sexual orientation and I'm so scared of doing so as well. What if I'm a lesbian and I've tricked myself into thinking I'm attracted to guys ? and what if the few times I've been in love with guys it was all fake ? And if I like girls how are people going to react ? It's a little dumb because my sister's already come out and most people took it well.

What is your opinion on that/ have you ever been in the same situation ?

 

Thank you so much for your help ?

[Monsoon]

Hey Mcoco. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here for you

 

I think that you deffo have a point on how being raised in a family with homophobic tendencies has left you feeling shamed about liking girls. If we grow up being told that LGBTQIA+ is wrong, then it's completely understandable to feel ashamed if you then realise you're LGBTQIA+. What do you think is stopping you from fully expressing your sexuality? Why does it scare you? A lot of people do feel this way about being authentic, especially having grown up in such a conservative environment, but I think it would be good to find out exactly what's holding you back as you can then overcome it. You could be right in thinking that you've stopped yourself from fully exploring your sexuality, but this is now your time to really figure out who you are. I think the only way to fully understand yourself is to explore your ways of thinking and experience different things.

 

Btw, just know that it's perfectly normal to worry about what others might think about your sexuality before you come out. It could be that some people in your life don't react well, but as time goes on, people often come round to the news. Also, the fact that your little sister has come out and most people reacted well tells me that it will probs be okay for you. Here is our support guide which helps to explain that process: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

 

What do you think of this? It's great that you're asking yourself these questions as it shows you really want to understand yourself fully.

 

We hope to hear back from you soon. Take care!

 

- Monsoon