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I hate myself

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    So i realised something. One day, I'm gonna have to come out to my parents and other family members. I mean, one day I'm gonna have a serious relationship and i can't hide that. I really don't want to but somethings have to be said i guess. This gives me a lot of internalized homophobia. I feel like it is a lot easier being straight . Another thing that gives me internalized homophobia is the fact that there are so many people i know for so long and/or get along with who might think highly of me will be disappointed when they learn that I'm gay. They will never accept who i am. I can't change. I just hate myself bc I feel like I'm the one who's ruining everything. I don't know if i could ever live in peace.
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    Hi Random!
    I know how you feel and I've felt this way about two years. Lately, though I've been coming into terms about my sexuality and there is a phrase that I worded to myself just today. "If they can't accept me the way I am, then they are not worth my time." That is actually the absolute truth and if they don't like you for who you are, then you don't need 'em! I understand, that coming out is hard, but at some point, you have to. My advice is, make sure that you are comfortable with yourself and with the fact that you are gay. Trust me, it takes a lot of time for it to get there and you just know it when it does. Then maybe come out to only one individual. Maybe a trusted friend or a family member, who you suspect wouldn't judge you. Then, the second or the third time, it's a lot easier.

    Yes, it is easier to find a bf/gf if you are straight. There is no point in denying that, but being gay doesn't make it any less wonderful. Being gay is also what makes you special and if possible just try to embrace it.

    Overall, I think that you should come out when you feel like you are ready/ moved out. Your family might take time to process it (I personally don't understand why it's so weird to be different but I guess it is how it is), but they most likely will eventually accept you.

    If you want to get confirmation that people can accept you for who you are then just check out Ptx/Superfruit. Pix's two singers (out of five) are gay and they have over 18 mln subs on YouTube. The same guys also have their own channel where they make a lot of funny videos with them being open and very honest (and funny) about their sexuality. I think they helped me reach that "clearing point" that I mentioned earlier. Plus they are also great singers and who doesn't like great music?

    Anyways, good luck with everything and I hope that my "all-over-the-place" advice helps!

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    • Monsoon
      Monsoon commented
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      Thanks for giving your advice
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    • Monsoon
      Monsoon commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for giving your advice
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    Hey Random

    Yeah, you're right in that some things just have to be said. I think that it would be really painful for you to stay in the closet. It's deffo easier to be straight in this world. Imagine not having to come out or have people giving you funny looks just for being who you are? I am gay and I understand the process. For many, coming out is just the start, and actually accepting ourselves can take more time because of internalised homophobia. However, it does get better, but you have to be patient and trust the process. Just know that you are special and you deserve happiness as your authentic self just as much as anyone else.

    With coming out, I do think that it's important to give people a chance to come round. There are so many reasons as to why people can react badly at first, but these people often do come round. We have a support guide for that here: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/ (although written about parents, this can apply to anyone really)

    What do you think about this? I really do know how you're feeling and I can help you if you want it. Speak soon,
    -Monsoon

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        Hey everyone, thank you for your answers. I have a few things to say. Mammu said that if they don't accept me i don't née them. Maybe that's true but it's that grief that loss that annoys me i feel like i lost someone and it's out of my control i hate that.
        Also I did come out to some people including my sister and they took it well but i did come out to a person and they made me hate myself. I hate coming out. I wish i didn't have to.
        I read the guide and it's great. But
        About having an open discussion . They're religious. How do i explain to them that God doesn't hate me and that he made me this way? . How am i gonna explain that this isn't a choice? My mom is gonna freak out, i don't know what my dad will do he might send me to a priest to get converted or something idk. All i know is that his reaction is gonna be terrible. What do i do?

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            Hey Random,

            I know what you mean about the grief of losing someone over something that shouldn't cause such a thing; it's awful. I think that although it's easy to say 'They don't accept me, so they aren't worth my time', when it's someone you care deeply about, this can be traumatic. This is why I sent you the article about people who have bad reactions to this sort of thing.

            I'm glad that some people have reacted well, but I'm sorry to hear that someone didn't react well. Just know that you are not the problem here, it's their attitude, but I understand how that makes you hate coming out and having to do it at all.

            With coming out to your parents, if there's a chance that your safety isn't guaranteed, then you need to wait until you're able to support yourself/living away from your parents. We care about your safety here at DTL and we want to make sure that you're going to be alright. I think that when coming out to them, on your part, I would try to keep religion out of it. It would be good to explain that this isn't a choice, and although religion complicates it, you just want to be accepted and loved for who you are. They might take a while to come around, and this is where it's really important to be patient with them and ride it out. It will be tough, but it will be worth it too. Have a look at this article as you might find it useful: https://diversechurch.website/home/1...istian-parents

            Let me now what you think of all this
            -Monsoon

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