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maintaining a healthy self-esteem

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    Hello all..

    I am having troubles maintaining a health self-esteem in my heterosexual relationship.

    I have always thought I would be okay with my partner viewing porn. I don't know if they do, but I strongly think that I would be okay with it because it seems like it occurs in almost all relationships.. am I wrong?

    The only reason I bring this up is because what does seem to bother me is the amount of accounts my partner follows and searches for on instagram that are all of women with exotic bodies. And I admire all bodies! but it does make me feel insecure when I am the exact opposite and my partner's social media is flooded with these types of accounts... Should I change my lens on this to the porn lens I have? As in, should I consider this just another variation of porn and be okay with it?

    I know it is natural for us to admire what we find attractive, but if I am being told I am 'perfect' but nothing on their social media is of women that resemble me... how else am I supposed to feel?

    What would some of you do or say?
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    Hey OcotilloOlive

    Thanks for coming to us with your situation - we can definitely help you through this

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been having troubles with maintaining a healthy self-esteem in your relationship. I would definitely say that viewing porn does occur in many relationships and it seems pretty common, but everyone looks at it differently, and regardless of it being common, your feelings about it are the most important thing here. I can completely understand why you are bothered by your partner following the accounts of many different women who don't resemble you. I think that most people would feel the same way as you do right now.

    The situation is tricky really - do you think that this can be classed as porn? If so, how do you feel about them seeing the pictures so regularly? Also, if you think about this as porn and him viewing it, how does it make you feel?

    I think I would start with answering those questions first and then seeing how you're feel. Hope to hear back from you soon.

    -Monsoon

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