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I don't know how to deal with this

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    Last night, I met up with some people from my university course on the beach of our town. It was a great night. During this time, I noticed that I quite liked a girl who was there (I'm female). It just so happened that I was giving my friend advice about being gay and such, and this girl overheard me. One of my peers came over to me and said that this girl liked me, so me and (lets call her Amy) Amy started chatting. Bravely, I admitted that I was a little interested in her, and she did the same.

    Part of me has always wanted a relationship, a girlfriend, but I'm terrified. She was very nice and sweet, but she was very enthusiastic. There were a few times where she held my hands, or linked arms with me, she even admitted that she wanted to kiss me. I should add that she'd had a decent amount to drink, but at this point I wasn't sure how much. I wasn't drunk. I told her I felt a little uncomfortable, but she still sat *very* close to me and rested her head on me and leaned on me.

    I left swiftly in a panic. Like I said, of course I want a relationship, but I have a lot of things going on at the moment. I have OCD which is definitely impacting the way I'm thinking about this situation. I really struggle with change, and the idea of a relationship or someone trying to get with me terrifies me. It's a disruption to my routine, my life, it's a big change and I don't think I'm mentally in a place where I can do this. I have a lot of other things going on besides the OCD (depression and other stuff), so I don't think it'd be a good idea to actually date someone at the moment. I know I'm overthinking this, I've literally only known her for about 2hours of my life, but my brain is telling me to just send her a message and be done with it. My instincts are telling me no, and my instincts are never wrong.
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    Hey Marv

    It's great to hear from you again - I hope university is going well for you.

    I think it's important to follow your gut feeling and do what's right for you. If you feel like you're not in the right place, then that's a perfectly valid reason. I'm curious to know more about a couple of things.. what makes you think that you're overthinking and why does the idea of a relationship/someone trying to get with you terrify you?

    Speak soon
    Last edited by Monsoon; 13-10-2020, 05:50 PM.

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        Hi Monsoon It's good to be back on here University is going pretty good, it's a bit wobbly at the moment because of covid but it's going well.

        I've always been a big worrier and overthinker so when anything new or different or nerve wracking happens, I always overthink it to be honest. Sometimes it's a good thing, I'm able to assess situations in great detail, but sometimes I just end up worrying myself over everything. I also have OCD and I think that impacts how I process and perceive situations in some way. I hate the idea of my routine being changed or altered, I don't like the idea of how much would change if I got with someone. I dunno, it's weird.

        But you're right. I'm not ready and that's fine. I don't think I could handle it all right now, I want a relationship but also I really don't want a relationship?

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            Hey Marv

            Glad to hear that university is going well for you

            I think it's normal to overthink when something new happens like a relationship. I'm wondering, how do you think your OCD impacts the way you are perceiving this situation with the girl? The top of and bottom of it is that if you're not ready, then you're not ready. But on the other hand, do you think that it could be good to go for it anyway despite the overthinking? I only say this because you touched on wanting a relationship but not really wanting one too.

            Anyway, hope to hear back from you soon!

            -Monsoon

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                I think my OCD makes me think very negatively about not only relationships but other stuff too. I'm scared of the idea of my daily life changing, my routines changing. I'm not sure how to explain is all fully, it's tough to explain. All I know is that it definitely distorts my view and thoughts on a lot of things. Just the idea of change makes me a little scared and nervous to be honest with you. But you're right, if i'm not ready for it, then I'm not ready for it. A tiny part of me would like to go for it, but overall I don't think it's a good idea currently...

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