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Questioning my Sexuality


alexxm00    

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I honestly do not know where to begin, I have been going through a moment in my life where I am confused about my sexual orientation. My entire life my family has made comments he and there joking at the fact that I may be gay, but I felt like I never gave them any reason to believe that. As i grew up and lived my life I have always been interested in females. I actually fell in love with a girl in high school, and I still have really strong feelings for her, but she is with someone else right now. She honestly played with my feelings greatly. We went through a lot of ups and downs, but I still have great love for her. I am currently at the age of twenty and have been in college for about 3 years. Was in a relationship my freshman year and never questioned my sexuality. Now that I am single and was forced to move back to my hometown away from my friends, I have really depressed and now questioning my sexuality. I just do not know what to think anymore. I still want a wife, still want my own kid, my blood, I just do not know what to do anymore.

 

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Hey @alexxm00

 

Welcome to our support community. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at the moment - please know that we are here to help you through this and that you're not alone. I'm wondering, has the depression started since you've been back in your hometown? Also, I'm curious to know, what do you think may have made you question your sexuality and feel confused at this point? It might be helpful if you can explain to us exactly how you're feeling about the same sex if that's alright.

 

Hang in there, Alex. This will get better for you.

-Monsoon

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Well I believe is escalated over time. I know this is a common issue for a lot of us right since we have been locked up and in isolation for a long time now. But I was never extremely happy before covid either. I honestly do not know why I started questioning myself. Maybe because my family always joked about me being gay, which may have sparked that idea in my head. It is really hard to explain how I feel about same sex because I do not see myself with another man, I don't see myself being in a romantic relationship with another man. Sure sometimes I may see a guy and think hes attractive, but I also think that of women. I don't know if it is because I have had bad luck with females, always being a push over, trying my hardest to make them happy just to not be chosen or forgotten about. I know it should all be about self love, but to some certain extent, I want that emotional connection with someone. Someone to push me to be better and achieve my goals.

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Hey @alexxm00

 

Yeah, it is a common issue for a lot of people right now because of the lockdown. I'm wondering, have you seen our coronavirus hub here? https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coronavirus/. It has loads of self-help guides for many issues that have popped up because of corona. Maybe you could take a look and let us know what you think? :)

 

I completely get what you're saying about wanting an emotional connection with someone and for them to push you to be better and achieve your goals. Out of curiosity, do you think you could have that emotional connection with anyone? Also, when you see a guy and think they're attractive, is it different to how you feel when you see an attractive woman?

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Hey Alex,

 

I don't have any advice for you, but I just feel like I should let you know that you are not alone. I'm going through something very similar and it is really confusing. I have been doing research into a lot of this to help me better understand what I'm going through. DTL has been pretty helpful for me in this case, and I hope you can overcome your confusion. Hoping the best for you!

 

-OutdoorEnthusiast13

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Hey @alexxm00

 

Ah, sorry to hear that you're feeling like you cannot do anything about your feelings for her. I'm wondering, would you ever consider telling her how you feel anyway despite her being in a relationship? Also, I can completely get why you're confused. It kind of seems like these thoughts and feelings about your sexuality have hit you out of nowhere and I'm thinking, do you think there's anything you can do right now to explore your attraction to men?

 

Btw, just know that this well get better for you :). I know it doesn't seem like it atm, but as time goes on, you will understand your sexuality more and more. It can be a long process which we have to be really patient for which is kind of annoying..

Edited by Monsoon

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