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Coming out again


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So i came out for the very first time when I was 16. I came out as bisexual. And then i felt like that label didn't suit me any more so i identified as a lesbian. I thought i had it all figured out and that i knew myself pretty well and that i finally found the right label . However one day, i fell in love with a boy. And everything went down the drain. I even repressed my feelings and gave excuses for them, i lied to myself. I had to go back in the closet. I'm still in the closet, kind of. I only came out to one friend whom i know is very accepting as they are queer themselves. I thought after coming out twice this would be easy for me. However, i think it's different this time. I'm coming out AGAIN. I'm afraid people would judge me for changing my labels. I'm afraid of all the stigma that comes with being bisexual. I'm afraid that people would make fun of me or think that I'm lying. What do i do? How do I tell people? When do you know you're ready to tell them? How do you come out again?

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Hey @Random

 

Thanks for telling me about what's been going on with your sexuality. What has happened to you is actually more common than you might think.. there are plenty of people out there who decide on a label they feel fits them, and then bang, out of nowhere, everything changes.

 

I think that there are bound to be some people who might judge you for changing your labels which is really annoying, but it's important to focus on your own journey and own feelings as much as possible, as we can get caught up in trying to please others, when really, it's nothing to do with them. They might make fun of you and think that you're lying, and if they do, I'm sure it will blow over with time.. people tend to move on pretty quickly. What do you think?

 

Also, about knowing when you're ready, what is your gut telling you at the moment? Do you feel ready? If so, I think that you just have to be open and honest with people about how sexuality can be confusing and how you can seem to go back and forth.

 

Speak soon.

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@Random Hey. I am going through the same thing. If I'd were you, I wouldn't be ashamed or feel weird about coming out again, its confusing, but still. You need to be who you are, and if people don't accept you, that's on them.

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Thank you everyone for replying.

To be honest, i feel ready to come out to some close friends but not to my sister. I think I'm gonna come out to people differently and at different times. I think I'm gonna tell most people including my sister when i get a partner. It's kinda hard to repress a part of you that, to me at least, is somewhat important. But i want to feel sure of myself when i come out and ready to answer questions. What do you guys think?

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Hey@Random

 

Yeah, I get what you mean about wanting to be sure of yourself and being ready to answer questions, but that can't always happen for everyone. Some people find it too hard to keep how they feel in and just feel the need to tell people despite not being sure/having all the answers.

 

There are loads of people who come out as 'questioning' to let people know that they're going through the phase where they are trying to figure things out, and that's okay too. What do you think?

 

Also, loads of people choose to come out to different people at different times; it can be a lot to come out to everyone at once. Sounds like a good idea! :)

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Hello. What caused this mistrust of your sister? Although I can understand you - losing a friend or acquaintance is easier than losing a relative. But many relatives do not perceive those close people who are "different".

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It's not that i don't trust her. I'm just not ready to tell her. I think it's because u care about her opinion and i don't want her to think that I'm lying to myself or anything. She will probably react positively but I'm not ready to tell her just yet

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Hey@Random

 

That's absolutely fine that you don't feel ready to tell her just yet, and it's important to do things at your own pace. How are you feeling about everything at the moment?

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Hey@Random

 

That's great to hear! Self-acceptance is the key to living a happy and healthy life - as you say, it's definitely a win!!

 

We are always here if you would like to talk about this more :)

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@Random I understand your unwillingness to shock someone close to you. But don't you think your sister might be offended that you don't tell her in the first place? If you have a trusting relationship, then she will most likely be unpleasant that you do this.

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